Mentalz vs Ill Technique
 

Topic-Being Held At Gunpoint
House Rules
Crew Votes Allowed Since No One Votes On Here.....
No D/R Votes...


Minimum posts to vote: 300

Check in by: 12-30-05 at 12:01 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

Ill Technique has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-27-05 12:06 PM.

I Forgot To Say The Line Limit........6-20 Lines

While I Stand Under The Rainy Cloud's Darkness
I'm Held By Gun Point By A Man Brutal, And Heartless
A Staneless Steel Barrel Get Settle On My Scalp
And As I Hear Cock It, I Become Nothin More Than A Scout
Waundering Through A Forest Clustered With Rushin Thoughts
I'm Huggin Up My Life For I'll Soon Be Resting On Rotting Blocks
Of Flesh For Thee Stands There And Tell Me To Be Quiet
But There's No Sound, The Birds Chirpin Sounds Like A Riot
And The Clouds Gather While A Rain Drop Strikes My Head
So I Gather My Memories Of Beautiful Times Instead
Place The Bad In The Back With The Bullet That Will Soon Follow
A Broken Bottle On The Floor, So Should I Make Him Swallow
The Broken Glass, I'll Focus Passed This Situation's Gravity
But Everytime I'm Yelled At, I'm Flashed To Reality
And I Soon Look Up At The Rain Drops While I'm Kneeled Down
Just Hopin, Wishin, Prayin To God He Puts His Steel Down
But I Hear The Finger Get Placed On The Trigger Is Flipped, Pow!
I Ain't Tripped Out, It Took One Shot And My Heart's Ripped Out!

Mentalz has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-29-05 05:25 AM.

So I walk as vibrant tally's rally expressionless... directionless
Until my recklessness is chaos converted to perfection, bliss
Unless I missed, I’m sure my horde of sore ideals are concealed
The bars the shield, the bottle my salvation's patient placement
It claims incarceration, but my minds train station isn’t vacant
Isn’t sain it's... Fucked Up & sorta cakin' statements on the pavement
Placin' the blame it's, just my excuse to abuse, recycle an reuse
I'm tired of cycled rue's looped an queued to be mortal wounds
Informal clues, but I never caught em', see?
I was doctored up and flavored till the favored never missed me
Trenched an flimsy, I think this drink's been holdin' on to long
Been bowlin' wrong so now my scores to low to fold a pawn
Control'd but gone... the hateful lover's iron gauntlet closed
I chose to fight back but just never yurned so I never rose
It's clever but who know's just how this will turn out later?
I do. Cos' I’m being held at gunpoint. "Yo Bartender, waiter?"

Good luck, just keyed this up tonight sorry it wasnt longer. & for the community, my concept is alcoholism holding the person at gunpoint, soto say.

Peace.

Voted For: Mentalz

Tech
Your piece seemed wierd a lot of the attempts with the multiples came off weak and it forced your storyline to sound rugged. the imagery was weak and well you weren't as complex as Mentalz was, though you have a similiar style to his but yours just seems like it's a lot forced and rushed.

Mentalz
I thought that you were more complex then he was. your imagery was a lot better and it didnt seem rushed at all, the storyline was also better and well i didn't see much multiples which I now know that you don't need all you need is a great storyline and well yours was better but I've read better from you.

1

Voted For: Mentalz

Mentalz just went together, flowed and had better vocab & multies to me.lol sorry I hate voting o crew battle but this one was pretty close. Nice job Ill and Ment ;)

Voted For: Mentalz

Wow you win.
tech was too vague. It made it seem like he was telling a story. Mentalz acutally had feel to it and the rhymes scheme and the emotions was better.
tech needs to improve on the emotions but you ddi have imagery and it was pertty good..
i wouldn't way one sided but it wasnt a close battle.
Mentalz.

Uppin' the battle, appreciate the feed, thanks in advance for anymore.

Peace.

Uppin' the battle, appreciate the feed, thanks in advance for anymore.

Peace.

This was feedback posted for Mentalz
 

yea ill vote on my other account homes so just checkin pollz............................................. .....

Voted For: Mentalz

Tech...

yours was ight, it stuck to the topic on the surface but didnt get deeper and more elaborate. Your rhyming was inconsistant, sometimes on sylabble which is boring now but there were multis. Dint get deep so wasnt so much emotion, was aight though.

Mentalz...

Your structure stood out, didnt follow the bar by bar rhyming which was creative and had a good flow, this was deeper in the topic than techs, was feeling the concept you used, it had more consistant solid vocab and emotion imo.

V./ Mentalz

NO HATE, Gl to you both..

RTF please.

Voted For: Mentalz

mentalz takes it wit better imagery and wordplay wit the topic...............

So I walk as vibrant tally's rally expressionless... directionless
Until my recklessness is chaos converted to perfection, bliss
^^^nice opener.............


the closer was good too and the story flowed well.........TECG ur was good too homes...but i feel you lacked on parts that meant alot and was important.




V/ MENTALZ...RTF homes.