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On my mind
I wish it’d just stop stop stop
So I could take a second, a brief intervention A pausing second, so I could just reflect and mention Stop being tested so I could start resting And actually enjoy my youth before I get my pension I swear we all rush so much Never take the time to love and to touch It’s like we get the money and then we pay the bills And then work ‘til we’re sick and then we all take the pills But we never reflect we just wait for mirror-kills (miracles) I don’t know why we don’t just make for the hills And stop living lives that get no satisfaction It’s like we’re all stuck in a fatal urban attraction Chasing dreams that seem to never be And even those living their dreams are never happy So what can we do? What can we be? I’m hoping to learn then I’m hoping to teach Hoping to be a decent human being I place my hope in belief Stop rushing; take a second outta the day To just reflect and to hear what I say Then if that can happen then I guess you’ll obey And then what I aimed to do was to improve you with what I make stop..............switch it up one time 20 years: a ticket to another transformation Unfamiliar physical and mental formations Higher expectations results to dissolve relations and the same with anticipations; evolve to frustrations Time to test what you’ve gained durin’ your days of your youth Always getting’ wiser, as a result I amaze with the truth Years are shorter; add the fact we never know when we die I could perish tomorrow and I could go in a spry Everyday it occurs; the unfortunate losin’ their hopes Lives cut short; worthless and they’re not choosin’ to cope Never had enough opportunies to pursue their ideals Took life for granted like a game and never knew that it’s real There’s just not enough time to reach for perfection Do we have to use an entire life to locate corrections? I just wish it’d slow down Do we have to conform to follow that fuckin’ direction? Wastin’ our entire lives to be flowin’ the checks in I wanna be flowin’ my rhymes and be as smart as I can for personal benefits so I can stand to be who I am but the school years fly by so fast so how I can I stand? |
my links
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ill say it was good if u show me some nude pics. ;)
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^^lol
i dont do da WHOLE bribe thing just for responses lol.........try again later;).....newayz uppin |
wow..... umm..... i love u.... nah, seriously, this is really good.... most ppl on here will tell u that this is more of a topical piece, but i think this can be classified as poetry.... i'm feelin that it flows, but u didn't let it control how u wrote it.... it's like.... like ur racing.... lol, it's kinda hard to explain, but i'm feelin how the flow connects with the concept...... this is really good..... if u ever have a local poetry slam, u should drop this piece on em.....
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The direction and content itself wasnt bad... But you're structure and approach was alittle blah at times. Overall it was a pretty simple piece which is fine, but not when it teters into the relm of foolish. How it started with 'Stop stop stop'... It made it sound more like a childrens song the way it repeated. The other thing I really didnt like was the 'Switch up' line in the middle of the poem to show the changing of times. You have potential to be a good writer its just right now you're writing very childishly. I never really get and intellectual vibe from reading your pieces and it makes you look bad. To help that, try and use some vocabulary and thought provoking lines. I mean, you dont even really need vocab... You could sound like a genius is you put the basic into propper form. So I mean, either elevate your vocab or think of creative and intellectual ways to arrange your material.
(PS, I'll write you a poem if I can get a pic ;) ) :) |
thanx chip
no doubt atticus thanx fo da feed lol nooooooooooooooooooooo way look in da member mugshots ;) hehe i dont pay ne special attention to ne1..........oh 'cept gduece lol;) |
:( ... I'll write you a poem and make you tingle and then you'll love me :)
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lol real funny Atticus; iight lets c da poem;) oh n if u give me a pic n then WE WILL c;)
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I posted one on here... It's in mugshots.
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