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The Bright Fool's Candle
the devil dances at twinkling light from the bright fool's candle,
but when chance is near, no time to fear, for u've already lost ur handle, too many wicks, not enough fuel to win this duel of fire, u done burned ur O2 on the flames who know u, but can't tell ur true attire, cuz they only wanna fan the flames, without any hesitation, cuz tho the words exit their lips, it's not their candle's presentation. Explanation: this is why i don't trust anyone with my personal information..... the flames represent bits of info.... the wicks are everyone's personal input and ideas..... the candle's are the reputation of their weilders..... the bright fool is the smart, kind person that trusts their information with their "friends"...... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219348 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=218906 |
Eeeeeeeeeeeh... I really like and didn't like this. I loved the atempt at real hard, thought provoking work. I mean, that's similar to how I like to write so I felt at home in the style. However, undernieth the barried meanings and poetics the face value lines just could have been alot better. This poem fell short because there were just simple re-wording problems. Like, if you were to re-phrase some of the lines they would be read with just sooo much more power and impact. So, keep it up and just re-read a few times to really make sure your work is the best it can be.
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This poem had potential. Nice meaning, and metaphors... But your executuion was poor.
For some reason I really dont think the "u done" "ur" "cuz" etc type slang works in poetry. Next time, write the words out fully. The only real good thing about this piece was the subject matter. |
^^^^^agrees w/ both of 'em
i mean @ first iwas like "dis is cool" n then i was like "oh damn!"....lol good subject n erything but da rest uhm:(sorries......1 |
lol, iight kool..... hmm.... ok, good lookin on the feed
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