Catching Tears
 

His Thorns meet Bristles, Horns and Thistles,
As he lies on his back to Explain his Riddles,
... Pained and Crippled as he Strains his Mental ...
So Plain and Simple yet he Injects the Truth
...From Defects to Roots, Answers to Rues ...
To Who really understands which path to choose.
A Dim Light Florescent Over the path at Midnight
...wise sayings, wisdom on how to Live Life,
Given with motivation, a sudden brisk strife
...brilliant Hinters, to never allow a being to Enter
the appaulling Center into the Inter of Winter....
...removals of Splinters from this Frail and Withered,
debilitated elderly man. moving the Hours Ahead...
Matchin The Puzzle, Pacthin The Struggle That Devours Ahead...

Sharing The Message, Caring And Blessings
...Sharing The Presence of a Guardian's Essence...
Sentenced to guide with his Insighful Lesson's
But Missing A Part, blinded from Truth From The Start
...but just aother one in the sea...
....So stood with a hook, tryin to Fish For A Heart
But Hollow Inside, stands tall to Swallow His Pride
...catchin others tears to miss his own...
...would suddenly cause this Role Model To Cry.
Notice The Truth, Be Focused To Choose
...stay in his path or Searched For A New
...to follow his values and Cage Up His Views....

Catchin Tears.....Didn't Have Much Time To Do This...So Yea it's Short

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2636637

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2636641

I liked this, it had nice vocab, i saw a lot of multies in this which is good. The flow was fine to me, it had a poetic feel to it, which i liked. I would have liked to seen a little bit more into this piece, maybe another verse would have been cool. But thats all i gotta say, definitely good man keep it up. Peace.

yea, i'ma give u propz cause that was pretty nice, holla

thanks for the feedback, i'll probably go back into this and make it longer

uppin this for some more feedback............

upppin this for the last time.................

yet another great piece....really feelin what ya sayin.....audio is the only other way i would say that i could feel this piece a lil bit more...i'ma give this piece an 8 outta 10...keep droppin em

hahaha i did the same topic in the tournament..................................nice though.

lmao........i know....but thanks for the feedback ya'll

alright tech ima give it st8, u moved up in my respected book kidd. i liked that shit alot. expecialy the 2nd verse. man it got me hooked with this flow i couldnt express all day and with that rap u took me away. it matched up wickedly.
really sweet. if i want 2 do a freestyle with someone u my boy.

aight man, thanks for the feedback....holla at me for a collab

wow thia was amazing...real good vocab adn structure as well as the imagery...nice one tech

thanks for the feedback homie..........................

For the most part this was well worded... there were a few times the structure fell off... looks like you drop in a 1 bar = 2 lines style... which is cool to each his own... Lyrically this was sound not sure it that's cut into to short verses or one extra long one... this could work as a poem too... anyway keep doing what you do... 1