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Oz. (2-2) vs. Judicial (0-0)
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Checkin-in...my topic gonna be "Rivalry Rises"
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yo diz nigga betta show up...if i wrote this nice ass peice up for nothing ima slap da shit outta dis man
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There is no check ins but ima show man But I dont check in i be to busy at school
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Topic: "Rivalry Rises" T his Rivalry Rising, between two hated rivals, one trapped in a cageH e brings fire to those who follow, as an extreme act of his rage R edeeming destruction to those who obtain hope of following light U nder the darkness lies the greatest of all evil's might H olding on to the cage, in hope that the speed of time helps the heat E ven he is awaiting the countdown so that he may finally be released A ramageddon in his dreams, with goals of cripple-ing thoughts of peace V ision is shady, but still he depicts his freedom to willingly reign E scaping to meet his rival, so that he may inflict years of pain N either side is winning, the battle is in somewhat of a neutral state A nd the time is ticking, until the locks break from the gate N ow he enrages himself, deep inside, but he knows that light will prevail D ays go by and he thinks "it is I who is king, and that I dwell" H orror fills the air as the heavens look upon the earth E vil looks above, as too seek the devil's birth L ike angels, the demons' spirits arouse with the thought of their lord L ike demons, the angels aim to brutally dispose of this whoard Evil waits for the clock to tick 7 seconds, and they begin to yell The gates burst open, atlast, the war, Heaven vs. Hell |
That was actually kinda bad and the whole idea of an accrostic is gay.
You did wonderful. |
well i didn't mean for it to say thru heaven and hell at first..but then i wrote like 7 lines and notice it started spelling something so i finished it off..and i wanted to be a different topical head than everyone else...everyone else just throws in mad vocab when 80% of the words they dont even know the definition of and dont even go together it just looks good...i actually told a story made it rhyme kept the flow good and had thru heaven and hell down the side........sorry for not being perfect tho
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and i wanted to be a different topical head than everyone else...everyone else just throws in mad vocab when 80% of the words they dont even know the definition of and dont even go together it just looks good...
Nah man, that's not different, a lot of people do that shit, but whatever. I guess it makes it better than if it had been the same, but it's still not all that good. And I know you aren't talking about what I'm saying, I know the meaning of every word I say. Pick me out a verse of mine and I'll tell you exactly what it means. |
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." - Voltaire Ha! Seems funny doesn't it to be right when the government is wrong But We all know the chances are very likely and we all end with a song a Nice tombstone with great qoutes engraved before our slandered name Then less than two months later we are forgotten like sega genesis games Martin Luther King Was right when we majority Was wrong He tried to make a difference to things that didnt belong He made his mark but before the situation got out of hand King was kilt on the balcony as he stood up for his fellow man Elie Weisal was right when the whole country was incorrectly treated he stood on his beliefs as he watched his family get burned and beated They shot and killed his mother and terrorised his fathers life Til He had nothing But a skeleton for a dad and his ashed wife So I argue Should I Voice my opinion or should I just back down because I can see the fate of my life before being put into the ground But do i want to make a difference with my people and for my Kind Because everyone can see this fate as it goes on even the blind But As I go on Why Not Try Now? Since We Will All End With a Song "But It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." |
oh and uppin for votes ..........................................
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Judicial:
Decent verse, It was more than i expected from you but the whole heaven vs. hell theme has been used 1,991,872 times. Leave it alone. Come with something original. The emotion was ok. good wordplay. the imagery should have been better, And the verse in all would have been better if it was a bit longer. You took all this info you wanted to write and stuck in a verse that was too short. Overall: 5/10 Oz.: Ok theme to your verse. But where the hell has your skill gone. I remember when you were one of the best writers on this site. Now it seems like you halfass all your verses. You tried to bring emotion here but it wasnt consistent. The imagery was ok but i know you can do better than this. And im ny opinion it was garbage and not something you should be writing. Put more time and effort into it. the only reason im gonna give you the vote is cuz you came original and it was a decent verse. Overall: 5.5/10 Vote: Oz. |
Oz. wins this battle
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