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Cracked Smile
Cracked Smile
I’m ashamed to call you my brother The way you pained our Mother Her thoughts always running deep When its in a cell you lay asleep He’s safe and warm, but his mind’s torn Mum wanted better, for her first born He gets out clean, but soon goes back Can’t last a few days without his crack The cycle continues for a few years Now his disown by his own true pears He was my hero always was there I was living in London without no fear Our childhood was happy had no care Now he’s a burdened we have to bear I love my brother dearly I want him back But I can’t see past a smile that’s always cracked Keystyle: don't hate I know it's shit but I needed to get it off my chest. |
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nice, could have been longer and gone more into detail with deeper imagery than that, but i like it.....try to make your lines hold something your reader can picture.....rtf in my withering hopes OM
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The structure in this was fairly sound... there are a few mispells... but I could tell what you wanted to say... this was very emotional... could really feel what you were conveying... however this didn't really flow... and the vocab selection coulda been a lot more diverse... other than that good piece... keep doing what you do...
If you have the time check out S.tylez O.f B.eyond |
Critic this was a cool drop, not liek the ones you used to drop, but this was acool. Th eemotion was cool, I could feel it, and your imaginary was alright, go into more details and develop the story better like avlon said, develop the story, not JUST the Topic. Other than that, this was a cool drop, keep writing.
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I like this..
It was short and sweet and got the message across. Dope piece Critic. The imagery could have been upped a bit but other than that it was ill. Keep at er me man.. - Soul Rebel |
yeah i liked it bro keep it up and as they said try to stretch lines more and exsplain more to us but other than that it was pretty tight i liked it no hate keep it up bro
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