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the paper chaser.
there was once a kid, by the name of fresh.
thats wut he called him self threw bone and flesh. he was nuttin less. of wut the ppl said of him. he was a nu bound rapper but the light was dim. although the path was not seen, he keep on movin. space for improving and points to be provin'. making demo tapes and passthem out like flyers. he was like a bussness man just lookin for buyers. till one day, got the break he was lookin for. he was sittin on the beach by the sea shore. when a limo pulled up and beeped its horn. the sound caught his ear. the shine caught his eye. so he got up, dusted off. and walked along the side. a window rolled down and some guy said get in. although fresh was sceptical, he went for a spin. the man was introduced by Edward wink. and that he wanted 2 sign him 2 Flashbash inc. fresh was stunned on how fast life went by. and with out hessitation he found a pen 2 sign. he started slow but O how fast did he grow. his fans were like whoa! and he was like yea i know. with his outer glow. he jumped from below. he was now number one. and damn did it show. he took out the best, and fucked with the rest. he said he was blessed with a cross on his chest. this kid from the west came with the best. he was obsest with his raps that impressed. he took over the game, with his nu found fame. he was a picture 2 frame as girls shouted his name. far from lame and so hard to tame.... he murdicly killed foolz as he sent them 2 flames. runin around with is red and black bracer. this kid had a name but not one like a pacer(a surname) kid was hot but not a skirt chaser. set flames 2 girls.... like a burning eraser. that why he still remains fresh the paper chaser!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: somethin quick. hope u like it. :thumbup: |
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Add some more multies and internal rhyming man, and u'll be even better than u are right now man. Nice lil story tho, wish it was longer. The imagery is nice and the vocab was ok. But it was a decent drop overall man. Please rtf on anything u havent already like Runnin or All I Need, thanks man. Peace.
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made it longer and better check it out and leave feed ppl
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uppin for feed....
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this was pointless..it had no twist......no resolution...anything....not to mention your imagery, adjectives, analogies were all pretty weak....and it was just..pointless..straight up..it might have been better had you explained the trials he went through trying to make it in the game in a lot of detail...but it was left vague as it could possibly be...you need to elevate a little bit..be a little more descriptive and shit....not trying to discourage you from writing..but seriously..you need some work...stay up though
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It was alright In my opinion. You just need work thats all. Keep working at it. And you'll get better. Just try and elevate abit and keep dropping drop after drop and you'll see yourself graduly elevate. Also try to add a concept or better one alright
Stay up ~1~ |
I was expecting a twist atthe end where the label screwed him or something... I was feelin the begining but then you started to fall off your vocab is kinda basic but overall a decent piece 7/10 hit up my OM link in sig
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