Po'etiquette vs Sykill
Battle Rules:
20 MAXLines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic- Lost Religion Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 03-24-06 at 01:11 AM Must drop verse in 180 minutes after check in. Expired battle close - win |
Sykill has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-23-06 11:00 PM.
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I sat at the corner of the street, the writer abode
My hand sketch nonsense at the end Of all my epileptic episodes... I finally wrote directions To section of my thoughts and find a way off writers block Stopped and asked to turn back at the horizon By guards carrying loaded quills... Fresh ink drying Spilled fresh from writer trying to defy ...From death certificate autograph signing Days steem rolled over us pressing tar to our skin Melted from the monotnous sun and became our ink Words dripped on our epedermis Mouth tattoed our body as these sentences spoke Madness broke loose, each stroke produced Obtuse and arrogant thoughts Lost a a mental strain of germ on witers block We gave a name, a title. Gave it collar tagged "Bible" ... A wild chap he was given To the Ku Klux Klan- and he grew out of hand And they lost religion |
Po'etiquette has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-24-06 12:11 AM.
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Life can be a lonley thing,if not cherished from the start, on moment the world revolves around you,the next,your soul revolves around the world.....
As her eyes open, she holds god's cross with the tightest of grip stabbing her hand,blood leaks from her soul,starting to drip her tears follow her bloods lead,but like her life have longer to fall she wants to escape this hell hole, but no one hears her call locked in chains, plea's, "stop the pain,has god lost his brain?" " I pray daily,will they save me,Should I say ....maybe?" "I have never sinned,I act on gods law and do well to others" "I curcimnavigate gods life" but as she spoke this she studders shape appears at the doorway to hell, her tears catch up to the blood shivering like a hypothermia ravished body,her fears act from above falling to her knees, she remembers the day, the basket,the river brain exibits memorys of those last moments, her spine rapidly shivers looking up from her scabbed knees, "please son,dont expose this" the figure walks thru the door, eyes witness her child....moses |
Voted For: Po'etiquette
Close battle. Nah, seriously it was a close battle. Both had their points that stuck out Po po had had a short little story, documented the usual case for the loss of religion. I got lossed in the plot so that was good, and the ending had me going wtf for a second.. then I went back and read and it made sense. Continue writing this and make it a song and ill read it. Sykill: Your shit had a good way of wording everything, only it spent quite a few times off topic. Not really off topic, but irrelelvancy in the beggining. It sort of bored me, I know that sounds horribly immature, just my oppinion:( don't hate me or call me a herb in your mind. Vote/ po po |
rofl, Im not a cop melvin .
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Voted For: Po'etiquette
holy shit..... poet.... ur shit.. wuz actually hittin me.. bro locked in chains, plea's, "stop the pain,has god lost his brain?" " I pray daily,will they save me,Should I say ....maybe?" "I have never sinned,I act on gods law and do well to others" "I curcimnavigate gods life" but as she spoke this she studders ^^^^^^^^^^^ tht wuz tha best fuckin shit....... i felt... falling to her knees, she remembers the day, the basket,the river brain exibits memorys of those last moments, her spine rapidly shivers looking up from her scabbed knees, "please son,dont expose this" the figure walks thru the door, eyes witness her child....moses ^^^^^^^^^^ couldnt think of a fuckin better wae 2 conclude that shit..ypu had flow... vocab wuz off tha hook... etc etc.. you coppd ths... sykill... jus didnt feel it.. even tho u wuz good n could make sumthin wae better than me.. good shit.. vote.... po'etiquette holla |
This was feedback posted for Po'etiquette
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............................................ uppin.
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Voted For: Po'etiquette
holy shit now this is sumthin to analize before I Vote: first of all the structure: ..................................... both structures were tight, nothing original, except 2 bars from Sykill that went strange when I was flowing em then the flow: ...................... nothing lost, except wut I said before, that 2 bars from Sykill Wordplay: ................. nope Vocab: ........... now this one was really matched, but Sykill has a better dictionary since he used a more elvated vocab Originality (creativity): ................................... I am the sex had this cuz his verse was sumthin neva I hurd before, he used words well, and really captivated me while reading this Strong lines: ...................."shape appears at the doorway to hell, her tears catch up to the blood shivering like a hypothermia ravished body,her fears act from above" so this explains my vote... no hate at all... jus votin |
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