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I Am Unreal. 04-25-06 04:17 PM

I'm a Writer
 
I'm a Writer

I'm a writer; my thoughts are a swirling ambience
I write lots of whirling happiness to avoid a moving ambulance
I try too much, to be right and avoid the wrong
But stories are told in forms of grace, not song
Sometimes I write on a cold and dampened night
So the page ripples as the tears hamper my blurry sight
I'm a shallow being, scared of the future and what my destiny holds
It's like God gave me the tools, all I need is a mould
I’ll take what I have, my present, my past
And use it to reshape my future with a pen and a pad
Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me
So I open my mouth, after I’ve taken a minute or two
Just to jot down some lines and think things through
Learn to say what I think, without breaking the rapture
Because I’ll know when I go, that these moments were captured.

N.Stant. - Catching Tears ..
Introspection - Malnourished

Kawn Flixx 04-25-06 06:31 PM

Drop two links or this will be closed

Journal!st 04-25-06 06:54 PM

^^word drop two links!


malice wats good!


anyweays I AM nice vocab and imagery!

I’ll take what I have, my present, my past
And use it to reshape my future with a pen and a pad
Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me
So I open my mouth, after I’ve taken a minute or two
Just to jot down some lines and think things through

^^my favorite lines!

nice man

RTF on the ones in my SIG!

I Am Unreal. 04-26-06 03:42 PM

done and done..

Introspection 04-26-06 09:07 PM

vocab was good, the length seemed right and you really didn't even need to throw multies to keep it interesting cuz your word play took care of that

"Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me"

nice play on words

"Learn to say what I think, without breaking the rapture
Because I’ll know when I go, that these moments were captured"

good way to end it, makes everything come together yup you are a writer!

BTW My first drop`s linked in my sig im still tryna get sum feed. rtf and return the favor aight? stay up

::SkandalouS:: 04-27-06 12:37 PM

even though it lacked multies....it was a realli gd drop...the complexity and flow was on point nd ur vocab was mint

8.8/10

H.D. 04-28-06 10:00 PM

good shit... it really flows... I can hear it being said in my head as I read and it never skips a beat or veers off topic... Short simple and sweet, and a good read...

I Am Unreal. 05-02-06 08:27 PM

thanks bro............

scanz 05-02-06 09:06 PM

good shit.... u had some powerfull lines inthere all favorite is this bar.

I’ll take what I have, my present, my past
And use it to reshape my future with a pen and a pad

pretty nice, u had lots of imagry and nice vocab plus it had a good flow and structure. really good kidd, keep it up!

David Lama 05-04-06 01:00 AM

not bad man

had some cool lines in there

short and sweet, cool flow and aight rhyme scheme

keep up the good work son

"Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me
So I open my mouth, after I’ve taken a minute or two
Just to jot down some lines and think things through
Learn to say what I think, without breaking the rapture
Because I’ll know when I go, that these moments were captured."

^word

The Creator 05-04-06 06:19 PM

It was str8. had a lot of good vocab and emotion. u got ur point accross in a smooth manner. structure was good and so was the flow. most of it after the 4th line began to get deep. thats when it really picked up. good shit. 8/10

Unfulfilled 05-04-06 07:11 PM

I like I like....very nice....nice wording...my only think is that i wish it was a little longer...but other than that....8/10....keep doin ya thang boo.... :thumbup:

AkHiLeEz_SkYLL 05-09-06 11:36 PM

this was hot. i enjoyed reading from start to finish.

flow - perfect
multis - decent
metas/similes - decent
content - original

I’ll take what I have, my present, my past
And use it to reshape my future with a pen and a pad
^^^^^^^^i liked these a lot

overall, dope. i wanna read more.

Critic 05-15-06 02:30 PM

I'm a writer; my thoughts are a swirling ambience
I write lots of whirling happiness to avoid a moving ambulance
I try too much, to be right and avoid the wrong
But stories are told in forms of grace, not song
**Well dope opener fams,. nice flow and vocab***

Sometimes I write on a cold and dampened night
So the page ripples as the tears hamper my blurry sight
I'm a shallow being, scared of the future and what my destiny holds
It's like God gave me the tools, all I need is a mould
***Dope flow and the vocab was godly***

I’ll take what I have, my present, my past
And use it to reshape my future with a pen and a pad
Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me
***Nice fams ***

Line after line, use the emotions to guide me
But if I speak from my heart then the words stay inside me
So I open my mouth, after I’ve taken a minute or two
Just to jot down some lines and think things through
Learn to say what I think, without breaking the rapture
Because I’ll know when I go, that these moments were captured.
***Nice flow and vocab really good flow fams !!

Overall this was a really dope verse keep em coming.

1~


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