Bipolar:Autobiography
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227268
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=226794
THIS HAS BEEN VIEWED BUT NOT REPLIED... HELP OUT...

She's dramatic
her episodes of madness makes her that way
hard to understand what makes her tick
they are not realizing she's the most original thing they've ever know
no ones ever home
so when she cries...
they echo through the house that love built and hate destroyed..
her tears flood the building and her sorrow pours out the windows..
constantly hurting ..and yearning for answers...questions they can't touch
so her mind lusts... after pure knowledge...
and a love that wants to know more than what size her bra is...
kiss me on my neck... sooth my pain... know me ...
she needs help soon this monstrous pain is growing...
cancerous it seems ...as it weakens her dreams....
little hope in a change to come..
She's dramatic ...
destruction makes it better... if its crumbling here
it should be crumbling.. where ever...
where ever her anger aims.....
she wished it was all in her brain..but since it is...
its hard to fight it...sometimes it makes her quiet...
and sometimes it makes her violent....
help me ... i need you....im inside ...cant get through
some many dimesions and levels....
its hard to fight the devil...
when before her he stands....
and when no one understands.... its fuck it..
my autobiography... what good will come of it ?

I actually really liked this, it had it's only rather elegant element to it that really gave your words life. Nothing in it in terms of vocabulary or imagery were super over the top or anything, but just what they needed to be. And I really think that level of simplisity and raw emotion mixed with some creative imagery made this a surprisingly great read. I wasn't expecting much because of a few grammatical errors and structeral imbalances early on in the piece... But I really enjoyed this alot. Great job and I hope we'll be seeing more of you and your work around here.

dang girl cats like atticus and Self Portrait just trying to seduce you its not all that sister hell check these whack fucks out I write a rhyme neighter one can touch dand the ;dwhack bastards erase that just tell these rats to get lost don't give them any play they're womanizers for real

^ Check yourself dumb fuck. Self Portrait and Atti are the same person. And I highly doubt he's trying to do that cause' he is smarter than that and i'm sure he has himself a girl where he lives. Now stfu and actually feed the poem.

I felt this had good imagery and emotion. You could have made it stronger and more vivid with a more colorful vocabulary though. If you would have done that I have no doubt it would be nominated for HoF. But other than that, I think this was a nice piece. Keep up the good work.

I'm really feelin this...nice work....keep it up sweety...lataz.... :thumbup:

hm. i enjoyed this a bit.
it didnt lack emotion at all.
vocab was basic.
the image was nicely painted.
was deep and basic.