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For my Girl.
Am I someone you Love, someone you adore someone you Hug, or someone you can live for?!
Or am I someone you can count on to everything you’ve ever wanted like love and more. Your name is like a arrow of love you hear it and your struck meet a girl like you and your stuck. Your sweet lips so soft the words you speak send a chill I can feel like a long lost kiss that’s struck. Your eyes sparkle so pleasant I mean without you around there really is no Heaven. From the past you’ve finally met your dreams your success of me in the present. I swear every tear you drop I’ll catch for when things get a little to hard to bear. And memories remain from now till death of the love we both have to share. I never want this perfect relationship to have to come to a end. Our passion to only come back alive again through resurrection. Hate and all the things you know cus of you having being there once. A perfect angel hard times you grow up and the depression you came from. My girl always and forever when we sleep hold you by my side at night you my love for life. All sad stuff in our lifes have overcome us to learn from and hoping that you’re my future wife. I’ve always dreamed of success and with you I got it Im blessed with so much feelings that I have to express. I Live for you Valerie love for you and breath for you and for everything I make you do to. Who would of knew that me and you would have so much obsession between us 2. I wanna hold you every second of every minute of every day as time slips away. I remain to sit here and thank god for the beauty he made and listen to the words you say. |
ok this emotion was good and the concept and delivery...however your vocab and structure and word'd story telling aint really on point man....you strucuture is what makes a great readable drop...mix shit up like some nice mutlie creative emotion descriptive type of shit aight?!..
you emotion was there and concept i just feel that you word'd stuff wrong and came a lil wack on the structure though but nice try and drop for a nice emotional approach...you will get better trust i see potential aight?!...keep em coming! |
Coo thanks man uppin for more feed on this.
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uppin fam .
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I liked the meaning it it...but it seemed more like a poem...which is nice..but if it had better structure and more rhyme scheme to it..it would be easier to read with a better flow..
SB |
coo thanks and yea its a poem.
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uppin this fam for feedback
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this is a nice peice mane like they said it's more of a poem but it's still cool na mean
Keep doing shit like this Stay Up Chosen |
^ coo thanks man. :thumbup:
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uppin this .
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This shit is hot nice drop and deep shit........
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Coo thanks for the feed man!
uppin this. :thumbup: |
meh, idk. Played out, really played out. I hate saying that but at some points it is very true. Your lines were stretched as fuck, it took me a while to read the lines. Though you had many flaws, the emotion kind of filled in for them even though it wasnt as in depth as I thought it was going to be. I think you could've added more vocab IMO, because I felt you were too simplistic with your rhymes and your feelings/emotions. Thats just my thought, sorry man.
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this was a good read 2 me, i'm into the sappy love joints as well so i could relate to it, didnt kno how the flow was but the read still grabbed my attention, nice piece homie, stay up
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shits dope fam keep this up i liked readin it easy read to.
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