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Political Marionette
Political Marionette You Mr. Evil You are a politician You are a businessman You conqueer the forest You cut down the trees You cause deforestation From carcasses you make coins You have cash everywhere You count without numbers You are a candidate You contest for presidency Do you think I would vote for you? A monoster of greed is never elected. Age has brought me to this place, left perchance Parsing the ponderous of my grotesque remembrance Yet, age shall not stop me from the task at hand As the need of a midnight ride rests on our land Oh, brothers and sisters, I plead you to hear Of the incise of a nation born of deceiver’s fear So heinous in its methods, constructed invisible Political puppetry, our division unpreventable A scheme devised of lies intent on separation Creeps between our shores spreading its segregation Constructed by wealth and greed, desire of control If we choose not to stand, it costs us a most devastating toll Unable to even imagine giving up our nations creed I plead once more and ask, why must our babies bleed? When did we accept hate as an acceptable reaction? Clothed in false morality, sure to pay for our distraction Will you join me in this fight, will you do what you know is right? Arm yourself with the truth, the proper target in your sight The enemy isn’t homosexuality or a fight for a marriage right Not red or blue, black or white, won’t bring you harm in the night Our enemies I dare to say wear suits brought of our sweat Consume the finest wine and food, warriors without regret So concealed is their plot we perceive them as naught Uncertainty and apathy devours all that we were taught The battle is upon us, the call to seek the truth, stand the ground To recognize the lies and rhetoric and by it not be bound We have the strongest weapons, knowledge, truth, and love The believers of us, protected by a shield of faith, have God above I cringe at what these meddling fools have done to our democracy Manipulating tradition and morality to create their own theocracy To steal our freedom, discarding our civil rights, they could not wait To disregard laws and destroy the wall of separation of church and state They create diversions, needless issues upon which everyone brews Designed to make political puppets that are controlled by nightly news Passage of the Patriot Act, what eloquent names are used Disagree with them and it will be of treason that you are accused They say they believe in privacy as they build a national database They know who you are, where you are, and when you leave a place Big brother is here in the name of security, void of public scrutiny It steals our freedom, eliminates our privacy without accountability My heart aches as I envision what the future holds for our children The failure of a democracy, so corrupted, we cared not to defend The melting pot of America, the original dream, in postmortem All of this sounding so extreme, yet fearful of not sounding the alarm My angst compelling me to give this last battle cry, my lantern from the shore Our enemies’ camouflage now destroyed, shown only as words we can’t ignore Discrimination, coercion, division, intolerance, and hate to name a few Easily extinguished by the single act of one, it all comes down to you. The armageddon has begun. |
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You guys fucking suck.
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Lmao dont worry yo I'll feed on this when i get back from gamestop. I feel your pain, this was good btw, I'll elaborate further when i get back.
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3 hours later.
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Yooooo....deep drop.
I see you're one of those conscience text heads. I mean, don't get me wrong...this was a dope drop, but it seems more like a speech you're giving at an anti-government rally. There were a couple of lines that I really enjoyed, but i'm not gonna quote em' because I feel like it would be taking away from your verse, seeing how most of your lines compliment each other. Overall: solid drop. It's probably too much for the kids on here. |
lol. I dont think its too much for the kids on here, because I'm only 15 years old.
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Nice drop. I felt it more because i share the same views.
The vocab was great. It flowed well throughout.. The imagery was there. and the emotion was truly felt. Thats all the parts to a dope O.M. ^ Only thing was I felt sometimes your rhymes were kinda simple.. like i could already know what you were gonna say (right, sight, right, night) Dope stuff though, the topic was good aswell.. If you could return the favor I'd appreciate it- http://community.rapverse.com/showt...487#post2788487 |
this was nice passive real deep in emotions and complexity was there dope strucutre and feeling my dude stay up man.....RTF on Cremation of Souls link in my sig from me and pakaveli
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yo dis was striaght but it seemed like u jus added in big words to seem intelligent or sumthin, maybe u didnt but it was koo, good topic fam
return da favor on my new ioen mic, rise to power |
honestly this was a very solid representation of skill.
by far, you are the most skilled, competent, and believable writer i've seen here so far. i liked the poem that put you into the song before you got to it. it intrigued me because i thought that was a novel way to begin a meaningful post. the way you have the text structured helps my eyes because the traditional chunk method can be weary at times. you brought out so much, made considerable points, and even incited a quotable: Oh, brothers and sisters, I plead you to hear Of the incise of a nation born of deceiver’s fear So heinous in its methods, constructed invisible Political puppetry, our division unpreventable A scheme devised of lies intent on separation Creeps between our shores spreading its segregation Constructed by wealth and greed, desire of control If we choose not to stand, it costs us a most devastating toll ^ these bars lead into the high points of the piece, building momentum until the final burst. dopeness |
Okay.. Time for some feedback!! This was a very long read, but after a couple of your stanza's I got into it.
Topic: The topic is one of truth, and you can never complain with those kinds. You spoke on what you believed and made great points. You took the topic and ran with it. Flow: Your flow was above mediocre. In some spots it was on point but in others it was sketchy. Work on counting syllables, it helps alot. For the most part though, your flow didnt take away from this piece so thats good. But it also didnt make it outstanding, so still something to improve on. Vocabulary: At the beginning it seemed like you forced big words into the piece right away. But by the middle it seemed natural and not overly used. You used the right words in the right spots and it all made sense, so good. Just try to let the words come naturally instead of forcing big words into the picture. Multi's: There weren't many. But they aren't required in any piece. So not having alot of them doesnt make your piece bad. Try to have some in there to accent your flow. It will really impress the reader. Storyline: You stuck to the topic throughout. No complaints here. You did an excellent job in this aspect too. Overall: This piece was great. You definantly handled the topic well and succeeded in making something ill. Very few complaints from me in this piece. Just watch out with the vocab usage and you should be good. Take this advice and work on it.. you'll get amazingly better. Oh, and try not to re-use phrases in your piece (political puppets).. it throws the reader off. I think this could be HoF material. Props on such a dope drop.. I really enjoyed reading it. Hit up this and return the favor.. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=232216 |
I actually really enjoyed this piece. Coming into it I thought you were Passive, so I don't even know who the hell you are at this point but whatever. Very poet Om, which, being a poet first and foremost I can always apreciate. The rhyme scheme in this was pretty generic and I was slightly dissapointed with that, but that fact that the piece was contectually fluent made up for that because really that's more important in my opinion anyways. Overall, consistant drop and I enjoyed it.
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He is passive from RB by the way:thumbup:
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Oh ok, I thought Passive was Suspicious *shrug*
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