"Virgin Mary: Surrogate"
 

Your toxins tiptoe the hallow
Walkway of this placenta;
Spitting stagnant HIV in the
Swollen mouths of quarantined.

Mrs. maternity leave sucks
Down her candy cigarettes;
Mmm, smells like teenage suicide.
Drink up Mary, virginity
Is only a word.

Choking on the backward
Clouds; dangling from a noose
Threaded with heart strings
And aerated syringe hymns.

Spill you sickened amniotics
Across the Vegas sidewalk;
Your naked bastard is
What sin touches itself to.

Sifting subtle flesh shutters,
Innocence kissed the air
Before black tar filled
His fragile body, with the
Bane of purity slipping from
Two porcelain eyes.

The Devil loves to dance.

... that blue eyed baby
Jesus opens his palms wide
To catch that sultry kiss
From a passing whore.

The two dance in circles

Faster! Faster! Faster!

Waltzing crop circles into
Mommy's spine, they dance
On the eighth octave of
Of a frantic mother's scream!

Her tears trample muddy skies
Before taking pace along
The Mississippi gorge,
And pouring shattered
Hearts in the key hole
Of Pandora's box.

This child is a shining star;
In the center of the 9th gate...
Run little one, we've
Got hell to raise.

Man... That was fucking dope.

Loved the imagery, loved your choice of words, loved the concept. It was kind of a shocking poem. A lot of... I dunno how to put it, like you juxtaposed holyness with the scum of earth or evil. It was good shit man... Good shit.

Good Piece....Emotion and Imagery was tight....Vocabulary was good and your flow was good.....overall nice job.

The Devil loves to dance.

... that blue eyed baby
Jesus opens his palms wide
To catch that sultry kiss
From a passing whore.

The two dance in circles

Faster! Faster! Faster!

Waltzing crop circles into
Mommy's spine, they dance
On the eighth octave of
Of a frantic mother's scream!

Her tears trample muddy skies
Before taking pace along
The Mississippi gorge,
And pouring shattered
Hearts in the key hole
Of Pandora's box.

This child is a shining star;
In the center of the 9th gate...
Run little one, we've
Got hell to raise.

^^
loved this part....really really nice emotion atti also your content was AMAZING man i liked this piece very well due to the fact that you mad everything mesh and blend and nothing forced in any means what so ever ya know...you had it going good and you never stopped!.

RTF on the link in my sig please myself :thumbup:

I liked this piece man, not as much as some of your others but I feel the emotion here. It's about an expectant mother ruining the life of her child before said "life" actually begins.. What a shame. Nice piece though, well structured and good use of words to keep the reader's attention.

damn man, i love this peice... so.... a-fucken-mazing

ya words were so well used, and ur punctuations were placed so well... everything flowed great

i cant believe there is anyone out there who can actually write like that, hot damn kid, ur fa'real

Thanks man, I appreciate the feedback.