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Contender Match: (CT) Mariah (2-0) vs Faime S. Quotez (2-0)
Write Away Your Thoughts Week 3 (CT) Mariah vs Faime S. Quotez Contender Match! Congrats Mariah, and Faime for making it to the contender match. If Mariah wins this week, she will move on to the championship match to face the winner of it. If Faime wins, mariah will no longer be the contender, and so on and so forth. Good luck to both of you. Free verse week! (Free verse week, write what you want, any topic, just write.) Rules Good Luck! |
oh what up Faime, dope shit. Good luck and check.
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Checkin in. What up, Femme. Good luck to you too.
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Well I have been really busy, so here it is. Yes it's a personal view.
Elemental Souls | Entwined Spirits What kind of hero is… Such a hero that he will be martyred for truth Especially when nobody’s smarter than you? Majestic clouds shroud the cardboard noons And life is left holding a paper mache noose I am eternally grateful to he who never rests He loves the person I am; we’ve never met I summon him from a ring given from a book That I read when I was hanging on by a hook His power beats the ring; strength in numbers I’ve seen the ring used by quite a few others Never used since we have the will to choose Dead to begin it, we have nothing still to lose So feel these bonds break, then snap and fall And find out this hero isn’t even a man at all ...prayer I can’t do the walk if I can’t do the talk, I can’t be His friend if this is just pretend With these powers combined… The air is splendor even to careless vendors Who render unconscious before they remember Share tender love without the kiss of sunshine Then never pull back on the perfection of life Directed by might when within a trial of fear Luke-warm heart as it comes from our tears But the waters are cold; be cautious and wait The flaming tongues of devils taught us to hate As fire is growing, the amount of plants follows The shrubs and the trees’ll both get swallowed It’s a symbol for life, and how we’ve started To not care about much; humanity’s heartless So bring heart to the one you love and cherish it You were given a finger to show marriage with Dare to wish, that your life will expand quickly Let Him control since he has your plan simply Nah, give up Mariah, you’re probably just nothing And truly, these roads may get rocky or bumpy As my body’s worth nothing, but parts of this dirt Heavenly lips speak pride to the Salt of the Earth …God is Justified |
ok both came well and both dropped a nice verse...but i have mariah pulling this out man...she was a bit or let me say tad more wwell rounded with content and flow and wording and interest of story i mean FAIME i must admit your verse this week has got to be you rweakest yet man....i see you doing big things man.... but this verse wasnt as WHOLE as mariahs was...i found myself at times coasting more through your verse faie than actually wanting to read it... but nice job both!
please keep showing up! |
v/ Mariah
Reason: better overall verse. I'm not going to break this down hard, but she did have the flow and the meaning and emotion, so pretty much, she edged this one off. See you next week mariah! |
v/ fame.
Mariah, you're excellent for your age. It's clear that you have all the tools to be a good writer. Your structure is good, flow's good, vocab's not bad.. etc.. infact... i'd even say how you wrote your piece was better than famez. The thing is... Fames' pieces have a greater level of maturity about them. It doesn't take picture perfect structure and rhyme to make a great piece in my opinion. It takes the ability to tell a story while painting a mental image and keeping the reader intrigued. Your piece just kinda seemed to drone on in my opinion. Try using more describing words and incorporating the five senses into your next piece. Nice drop fame. |
I definitely disagree with Pious..
Mariah's style is just more poetic. While Faime is using description of events and feelings and stuff of a story, Mariah is using solid imagery of a different kind to create the picture in the reader's head. It doesn't clearly describe events and shit, it is abstract, and I believe it makes for a better transmission of emotion. Her words are more condensed and have more meaning. eg "Majestic clouds shroud the cardboard noons And life is left holding a paper mache noose" It's not like clouds are actually shrouding noons made of cardboard or life is somehow holding a paper mache noose. You said her verse seemed to drone on, but I think it was more interesting to read than a retelling of events that rhymes. Not that I'm saying Faime's verse was bad, it was good shit, Mariah's simply appealed to me more. V/ Mariah |
Reply To Terumoto:(Not Swaying)
Okay, I understand what you mean. But that "retelling the events" is what I think a topical is. Because when I write to a topic, I'm just giving a point of view of what that topic could mean. For example: A Man's Determination- my whole piece is telling the story about "A Man's Determination". With topicals, I'm a storyteller. That's just me... But I'm not swaying, good job Mariah. I didn't know you were so young. I'm young too(15 years old.) You got talent for real. |
Mariah wins
Mariah (3-0) Faime (2-1) |
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