|
New piece
Say Goodbye Sun Rise
thats when it all went bad, the sun burned grey the moon turned full, and said goodbye to the day all the moon wanted was someone to confide in but the sun gave up and set for the horizon so shape-shift, make those lips into a crescent its the same reason why she never learned her lesson and when the sun light came, his shell would bask in the day but then the tide would come in and wash it all away its her fault she could never handle it manually cause this fall had nothing to do with gravity and the day finally came when she tried to sell him some the night the moon turned blue, and she happily fell in love wish for that eclipse, watching those sky-blue eyes but that day, the sun never decided to rise and the sunshine seemed to stop filling those empty craters even though it was said that he would never fail her shift in pace, change of heart, assuming the winds keep moving the lifted face of the sun would hide the scars and bruises the sun had finally set, and wasn't coming back the moon stayed out that day, and the sky turned black i have no regrets, in fact, i loved every minute but it seems like i was just counting down seconds till i ended it i wore it like a mask, she wore it like her jewellry i wish it could've worked out only like it use to be and when all is said and done, i wont love you any less you just wanted me to put up with too much of your stress i tried, and with both hands open for comfort except her fire even left the sun completely sun burnt scarred and battered, all matters soon lost said she understood, but blamed me for the loss so it was over at last, noon turned to midnight got the boulder of my back, but still couldn't sleep right it was as easy as i planned, i'm not sorry it happened there's no right thing to do, so i wont try to act it so get past it, just a few ripped pages in your story and think of tomorrow, when you see that sun up in the morning _________________-- links are on the way |
Yo I Liked This Good Piece, Real Nice WordPlay, Good Vocab, I Can Tell You Put Real Skill Into This Good Piece Mayne
|
this was good....
|
|
Very interesting... I would suggest working on your rhyme scheme a little, it had a few parts when it didn't seem to flow right.
|
Good to see your shit isn't as stretched like most OM's are most of the time.
I like your wordplay and frequent pattern of using the sky as a subject. |
real nice and creative...i like the whole concept.....keep at it ......~1~
|
word
|
I liked this shit. The flow was mostly good and i liked the wordplay. Question. Where you talking about trying to fuck and not getting hard in one part?
cause this fall had nothing to do with gravity and the day finally came when she tried to sell him some the night the moon turned blue, and she happily fell in love wish for that eclipse, watching those sky-blue eyes but that day, the sun never decided to rise and the sunshine seemed to stop filling those empty craters even though it was said that he would never fail her shift in pace, change of heart, assuming the winds keep moving the lifted face of the sun would hide the scars and bruises the sun had finally set, and wasn't coming back the moon stayed out that day, and the sky turned black If so, they got a pill for that |
Quote:
nah, its just about a massive let down in a relationship, to sum it up |
oh. I feel you. good piece
|
Change up to rise in the last line?
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:27 AM. |