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Who I Used to be. (poem/topical)
my old self paints my picture now my scriptures read over myself.
calling out reaching and crying tears drop as i scream for help. the sound echos back with emptyness without any emotion. silence so potent painted in color blackend with commotion. butterflies roam inside lost in this feeling seeing myself reflect something. to dark to see too dark to be I lurk in this thing thats a so called "being." picaso in my mind painting a masterpiece I think over this in distorted peace. I remain conscious enough to see and breath I jus dont know If it's enought to believe. Suddenly im in light it's heavenly so pleasent pulled me out of a grungy life. I can see myself now wherever i am put me in a darkend room and it still reflects in the heat of the night. |
it was cool. it had decent flow and really good wordplay/vocabulary. i just didnt catch the concept of it...not that it was bad but the meaning just was too complex. its one of those things only the writer himself can only understand if u know what i mean. could of been a tad longer but it wasnt too short. keep dropping
on a scale of 1 to 10 i give it a 7/10. rtf |
links by 8 AM tomorrow. Normally I would give you until midnight but since midnight is 2 and a half hours away you get an extension.
:thumbup: Oh and because you posted this shit yesterday, I won't give you 'till tomorrow midnight. Get crackin', you have a good 10 hours. |
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yeah its nice for a quick read....but yeah its something deep that u would write and keep to yourself ...one of those personnel type writings...at least thats how it seems to me.....i liked the wordplay.....8/10...~1~ |
not a bad piece.. you have potential to be a really good writer. i'd suggest you try using some more descriptive words to improve imagery and also try to incorporate some of the five senses to breed more emotion to your pieces. stay up.
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like wat u mean incorporate my 5 senses?
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quality piece bro,short + sweet,yeah it was deep but i could relate 2 it easy,
think $uperman was sorta rite coz i think if u aint feeling that deep you cant relate as well as the writer,liked the flow,fitted perfect for the piece,only way really 2 make it better is 2 be abit longer,but only if u can keep up wiv wot u got already,otherwise it gets fucked. peace |
word this shit dope... only problem i had with it was that it was to short. i like these pieces, reminds me when i droped all my fantasy shit on here... i should get back at that... really nice read and this line was really deep and creative to me....
picaso in my mind painting a masterpiece I think over this in distorted peace. I remain conscious enough to see and breath I jus dont know If it's enought to believe dope shit Poe. 8/10 keep up the work fam. |
i was feeling the poem / verse i like the way you put words together i give it a 8.510
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I liked the wordplay nice metaphors, feeling the flow
keep it up |
GOod shit dawg! keep it up!
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