prepare for crash landing
 

dwelled feelings,so much pain is rained,
but im the 1 who drank + sniffed who the fuck am i 2 complain??
cant sleep,man im waiting for that chang over,
its gona b so bad,but for a whole night wiv the women i was a real casanova.
so many body parts affected wiv that potent mix of drink+drugs,
smoking aint that clever either,my tongue feels like a persian rug!
brain flickering back and forth,remembering the nights events,
man that bird was ai8t,shit wot a prick iv spent the fuckin rent.
cant focus, wots the nxt bad thought creeping in?
its times like this that u wish u cud buy another drug 2 wash away ur sins.
eyes closeing quickly,but brain speeding up,
man 2moro will b a test of strength,concience plz shut the fuck up!!!!
thinking so deep,losing my way,
cant take this depression,wonder if god cud or wud help if i prayed???
i doubt it,i dont deserve it,dont wont it or do i???
so confussed,
need that sleep fast,cant keep up wiv my body+brain,
1 min shivering,the next dripping hot,is it really worth it? this cant b humaine!
feel proper down,should i cry??
wot the fuck for??? its a cum down! i aint gonna die!!!
im dreaming but still awake,
bad dreams again,keep jumping up,i jus dont know how much more i can take!

some dope thoughts in this. links by midnight .

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244847
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244572
nice 1 thanks, could and should of made it alot longer,but only wrote it coz i couldnt sleep for shit,but halfway through i felt able 2 sleep so finished quick lol.peace

any comments plz??????????????

um okay im a break this down to you in the normal way that i do anyone else...it was totally basic dude. i meen the storyline is played on suicide and all that but the imagery is not as deep as i thought it would be..try writing from a picture to start off your topicals it will help with the reader to vision what your writing even more..but decent work..just need a little improvement and that should do the trick.

cheers dude thanks 4 the feed + advice. peace

I like it dude, Solid flow but an abrupt ending

cheers man anymore comments plz cheers

Nice wellll okay! Its decent i like it good flow and shit!

could i have sum'mo feed cheers........

ya this was decent it was not as good as the last peice i gave u feed for but it wasnt bad! Keep it up and keep writin bro!
I'll leave more feed for ur other peices of the weeekend! peace dawg!

jus wanted to say this is more played on effects of coke rather then suicide prenom, 2 understand it fully you need to of taken coke b4, anywayz peace

I fucks with coke, n i sleep fine. anyways this was jus basic, try n use better vocab n shit.

do more then a line then, either that or buy off sum1 who dont cut it so much-so it ends up jus being hay fever tablets crushed...........

Lol why would i do jus a line. if ur gonna be gettin ur sniff on u need at least a g. as i said jus try get deeper with ur words..