man up!!!(cant smile) realist ish i ever wrot
 

ive lived a serious life so i cant smile
im just another man child
they tryna bring a man down
but i stand proud
cause when you cant smile they see no grins
so i trust no kins, and trust no friends
weed cost my health, i smile off my wealth,
but besides that ive lost myself
confused cause im tryna find me
so mad i literally wish a nigga would try me
i get on my knees and ask god WHY ME!!!
wish i had somebody to runaway to and hide me
should i be a blood and be 5 poppin
entrepreneur weed im coppin
cause when all you know is hood niggas thats the only option

i cant smile so in the inside i cry
cocky with my style cause im fly


seems like funny jokes are not funny
the oly time i smile is when i got money
i cant see whats my path like havin no car lights
but when you livin a hard life...
its hard to see
youngins try..but im one nigga its hard to be

http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...d=1#post3197140

http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...d=1#post3197141

feelin it bro!!! like it!! tellin my life how it was un how it is. quality piece!!!
9/10 keep uppin!!!!!!!!! peace

good lookin on the feeback,
u give me feedback and ill give u feed
can i get more feedback

Decent generic piece, step ur vocab up. not too much emotion but this was cool. keep tryin.

yo man could u leave sum feed on mines,as i have for you cheers. peace

....ahh same style u still have the short text verses.....w/e though thats u keep doing what u do.....this was decent for it being short...content was there....its just too short to me ....i still wanna see a long well thought out piece by u to see what u really can bring.....~1~

good lookin on the feedback .. can i get more

came decent boi.. i like to use punchlines so im like, man if u could use those on some emotional shit.. itta b raw..

"ive lived a serious life so i cant smile
im just another man child
they tryna bring a man down
but i stand proud"

this was good

and the rest of the first verse..

But THIS: "youngins try..but im one niggas its hard to be"
:huh:
I did not get.. lol

overall good skit boi.. dont see what beat this would goto
6/10

holla

good lookin in the feedback.. can i get more

Nice piece. As said before too short and didnt flow write. Also work on your vocab. But i liked what was said. I liked the concept and the feel. Keep doing you

6/10

i appreciate your feedback can i get more

ive lived a serious life so i cant smile
im just another man child
^ What the fuck is a manchild?
they tryna bring a man down
but i stand proud
^ basic rhyming, ok
cause when you cant smile they see no grins
so i trust no kins, and trust no friends
^ aight, but basic rhyming still
weed cost my health, i smile off my wealth,
but besides that ive lost myself
^ uh lol ok
confused cause im tryna find me
so mad i literally wish a nigga would try me
^ gay whore?
i get on my knees and ask god WHY ME!!!
^ lol.
wish i had somebody to runaway to and hide me
yeahz lol
should i be a blood and be 5 poppin
entrepreneur weed im coppin
^ quit talking about weed :\
cause when all you know is hood niggas thats the only option
^ no it aint lol
i cant smile so in the inside i cry
cocky with my style cause im fly
^ no u aint

seems like funny jokes are not funny
the oly time i smile is when i got money
^ ok lol
i cant see whats my path like havin no car lights
but when you livin a hard life...
^ what about it?...
its hard to see
youngins try..but im one nigga its hard to be
^ meh

overall just a weak piece needs more emphasis
just try harder next time and create sentences lol

u fuckin dumbass , man child means im a mans child cause i dont know my father.
us is one dumbass ,ignorant ass nigger<<with a er