Song idea
 

This is a song im kinda working on. It's kinda like a storyline with different voice inputs. I just want some feed back good bad or indifferent. Holla atcha girl.:)

(Operator‘s Voice)
911, What's your emergency....
(Mizz Illicit)
this may take a while but it’s still urgent see, /
I’ve been battered,
family been bruised,
may have seen a few of us on the 10 o’ clock news...../
(Operator‘s Voice)
This Is an emergency hotline so here is a plan,
If the crime is past tense call the police ma’am./
(Mizz Illicit)
Then the operator hung up the phone, damn the fucks goin on.
In a world full of people sometimes you still feel all alone/
The enemy is said to serve and protect,
but in this story the police is the protagonist /
Only reason pigs take up the position
is to control you, when not even to they’re own system do they listen /
You think tax dollars and tolls is there only pension
confiscated drugs and weapons I guess are left unmentioned/
My family I talked about in the introduction of the song
are all the victims on the news, you see being busted because they've done wrong/
but when it comes down to common knowledge and facts
The innocent are exploited and asked to put they’re hands behind they’re back/
Yeah mother fuckers this is an emergency
You want are kids to grow up and think this is how its suppose to be ?/
I may smoke but I aint a criminal/
I carry in my pocket a ounce of dro yeah its minimal/
Police on my tail for listen to hip hop to loud when its sunny,
Cause I’m in a Royse the tros know im making money,
so they pull me over cause the mixture of hip hop an class means something must be funny/
They pull me over, then out the ride,
thorough check on the inside/
(Cop’s Voice)
Assume the position!
Bitch now you better listen/
(Mizz Illicit)
A fake to the right,
run high speed,
Fuck.... I can’t swallow all this weed/
I figure an ounce isn’t enough to get beat
so I stop dead in my tracks, throw the trees to my feet/
Put my hands up, spread my legs,
Pigs acting hammy so I get beat and sprayed/
These mark ass bitches being hostile now aiming the mortar
Damn 5-O breaking us down like arcade machines that say out of order/
Now I know the real reason they say it’s Hot In florida
They talking about the blocks blockade with cops/
When there using confiscated rock
to kick back in socks/
Inside the back seat where my windows were knocked/
Placed a new stash
and some other hustlers crack and cash/
now they framing me
Blaming me saying I’m who they were after/
Being sentenced with 15 years,
look outside the cop car door,
look up to see my pastor/
Shaking his head cause where Im headed is pathetic,
Now I’m just a scenario Of a hip hop rock selling bastard/

So what do you think??

nice story telling man, need to elevate as far as rhyming, and you could use more multies and internals, keep writing man

DA WORD PLAY WAZ NICE,BUT FROM WHAT U SHOWN U CAN DO BETTA,I LIKE DA STORY LINE 2 IT,N HOW U PAINTED A PICTUREU DESCRIBED DA SCENE N SHITUATION NICE,HOTT SHIT MA,STAY AT IT

i'm feelin u ma just spit ten bars in da crew thread called U.N.O. I'll help u get in we need more females
U can only get better ~1~