My Last Try
 

ur crew get so many punches in a fight/ when fightin' gotta b like gimme the light/ and yes u gettin a lot, cuz i'm not Mr. Nice/dog i got lot niggaz like it was a pound of rice/wanna a round wit me, make it twice/for win i even gotta shake the dice/but, dont blame the game/blame ur name/cuz is a fuckin shame/the only way u can b numba 1 makin magic like David Blaine/now pass me the gun/nigga b proud cuz u said u won/but rememba when i die they will b no numba 1/when u see the platinum plat 9, nigga run/is kid wit new style/people not liking me, cuz they say i got to bring it wild/but why?, niggaz wanna ryde or dye/ur first song gon b so commercial like bonnie & Clyde/call 911 cuz this shit is burnin a lot/fake rappers that they even not ready to die/that dont get bitches that are ready to ride/

tell me what y'all think about

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=31502

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=31506

umm, you need to up the ante on everything. you need originality, you need sense first then vocab, you need some imagry and you need to space your bars coz block text is a bitch to read. dont just pick a load of words that rhyme and then write up a bunch of lines to stick them at the end of.