Fo ma Real nigga's!!!!!.........I Got ShiT in ma HEAD...
 

Fuck da beef ShiT/
in tha club give a nigga a hand fulla bullets/
so before i finish a sentence he already knowing tha meaning/
Ignorance iz blizz youngins pay attention and listin/
keep on talkin........../
I act like i ain't got no sense/
get retarded wit dis nine Act Stupid wit dis extra clip!!!/
A one man Army with a fifth of bacardi,I suggest you address correctly you mistakely miss-took tha preception of quietness over weakness/
You 10 deep all 11 of us can comintiss ta scrappin till tha finish/
I'm getting at least 2 of you muh-fuckas i'm going down swingin/
and in dis predicument if you ain't leave ma line flat or cut off
dem index's i'm coming back shooting/
Best belive iT, no excuss i ain't hearing iT/
Never once killed a man but word ta moms when i see you dats tha end it's finished/
mall,school,parking loT's,ya house,tha clubs,ya church steps, Wendy's,Stop lights,china nigga u'll never be safe!!!!/
revenge iz a must,I ain't got shit ta smile bout, i'ma bastard son,
I'll leave ya 6 month girl a Bastard son/
see you fucked wit tha wrong one, and tha right moment Wit tha
right 9 on tha right side I'll Blow ya right side of ya mind right
outside on tha right side of tha Street pavement/
cup cake niggas but get it right/
fuck!!!!!!!....................................... ..

This was horrible. Seriously. Im not trying to put you down or anything, but you need serious help. No rhyme scheme, no multies, some lines didnt even rhyme, plus the thugged out theme is really played. Please elevate. Peace

I AGREE^^^

i suggest you look at tha title......Its no fake thugged out shiT.....It's from tha heart and when shit happens it happens....See dats tha problem wit you nets niggas.....You use to reading shit.......you fuckin critic......Damn? i wonder why i made tha title the title?.........oh!!! i get it............

no u repped thugizm wrong for real nigga but i got a hot line for u










Dont even try to step to this female i got u catchin feavers im ill tho//
givin ya ass sezuiours will i fuck u in the ass with a dildo///


hahahahahah hahahahaha hahahaha 1n3

This is a GOOD EXAMPLE ON WHY TRL FANS SHOULDNT TRY TO WRITE RAP LYRICS!!!!!......

This shit was just like.....reading an attempt by Justin Timberlake at rapping.....

work on it muthafucka for real....




Peace.....
1............


Ps:....lol u did have shit in ya head nigga.....

Yea un-huh tuff guys.......I guess i should practice.......Where yall live iowa....haha.....But yo listen up .......Yall see 1 drop dat i spit from the heart.....Don't take in general.......stright up.............



"Dont even try to step to this female i got u catchin feavers im ill tho//
givin ya ass sezuiours will i fuck u in the ass with a dildo///"

Aight who tha fuck iz you?

Kno one "stepped" I been sick "ill"? you robutisson needing common cold having Bitch hop of tha dick/
"Dildo's"?,I'll "Stick" a "drum kit" in ya Clit net ho you's an "instrument" Pathetic cuz i'm "playin" around wit cha lil kim/

oh wow

lmao


Kid u talk alot put on pad u a pussy get it pad puss//
i spit real no matter how hard u try u still "leakin"//
truss im the only female on this thas bad to start speakin//

yo.........I hope yall muh-fuckas ain't thinking i'ma female.............


"Kid u talk alot put on pad u a pussy get it pad puss//
i spit real no matter how hard u try u still "leakin"//
truss im the only female on this thas bad to start speakin//"


Fuck pads ya attempts at punchs not working like an ultra thin tampons/period,We can get it craking toddler dashskit drop hottness only time you drop hot Alphabet iz when you eating tha soup and drop tha spoon on accident/

pethetic attemp to even move my finger.. dont even know why im replying to this jibberish, anyways, keep elevating your gonna need it if you plan on writtin more shit from the heart, and if you think im beefing call me out on bitch slap, but dont underestimate me niccah, cuz id pimp slap ya so hard, that chick wouldnt even consider using u for a hoe to pimp...

"only time you drop hot Alphabet iz when you eating tha soup and drop tha spoon on accident"

That's the best thing you brought...
Maybe that means progress!
But, really, that shit from ya head smelled like it came out the other end. But, I'm not ya real nigga, I guess.
Good luck, though.

no doubt if sum of ma friends read dat it would be sick......Cuz like 90% is personal stright up...........And fo tha rest..........


"keep elevating your gonna need it if you plan on writtin more shit from the heart, and if you think im beefing call me out on bitch slap, but dont underestimate me niccah, cuz id pimp slap ya so hard"

I serioulsy don't kno why yall underestimating a nigga,Maybe ma heart shit ain't tha best but you well get served in a battle......You limited with the truth..........You want it Den bring tuff guy.......But don't get left lookin stupid like dat bitch..............


"only time you drop hot Alphabet iz when you eating tha soup and drop tha spoon on accident"

That's the best thing you brought...
Maybe that means progress!

thanks but it ain't progress,It wuz aight but i'm way better i'm jus playin around,jus ta show i ain't jello..........

LMMFAO
 

LAryan Shabaz fuckin funny as shit,

Shit was irrelivent...

alright this was weak, but i'll give you actual reasons why it was weak.

most of this verse didnt even rhyme, kind of a nessessary part of writing a rap verse.

this was a played to death topic, thugism has its place but its being done to death everywhere lately and 50% of illness is originality.

there was practically no wordplay, punchlines, multis, imagery or any little features of language and rhyme which could make this verse stand out.

thats why you need to elavate.

take a pen and a pad boys, this is CONSTRUCTIVE feedback.

blah.......this was terrible. half your bars didnt even rhyme, the ones that did were a one syllable rhyme. you had no wordplay, no imagery, no metaphors, no multis....you didnt even have a believable topic.......i suggest you just quit