i wrote this a lil bit ago but i liked it so much, i wanted it here
 

im in a lost word strugglin to survive/
the question in mind, will today i die/
whoz my homiez, cant tell every1 lies/
who died? cant tell everbody cries/
not feeding myself so im left in hunger/
damn right its an everyday struggle/
u got middle class kids comin in here/
frontin ruff neckz wit a gated career/
they heard some rap shit and go for the steal /
u only pleasin yourself and what others feel/
listen to these recitals cuz the end iz near/
i dare the cat that rep ghetto, when he nowhere near/
ill take over there, what happens over here/
i wonder if id see 2morrow, maybe even have kids and a wife/
but i think not im juss here for a ride/
this girl says she pregant by me, its a lie?/
i dunno, i cant tell, all bitches tend to lie/
o if u from the ghetto then rep your hood/
but if u aint, dont say shit IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU

ok verse
 

not bad....bit simplistic...floe wasn't very consistent but overall gud drop.....

your scheme was very elementry.. baic end stop rhyming! try to elevate this and i think you could come up with something decent, but this i didnt like at all, the flow killed it!!!

example of end stop rhyming

damn my mind is just so undeveloped/
i wish i had a nine for all this rage thats swelled up/

oops, thats not it^

here my bad...

i write rhymes to show my skill/
but i cant cause my pen isnt filled/

and try to loose the bars, kills the flow also!

PEACE!!!

Re: ok verse
 

i like to rhyme and keep it simple, when it becomes to complex it loses all meaning. and what u mean my flow wasnt consistent, please explain. thanx

i mean.....
 

the flow pace would speed up then slow down...and ya flow was real choppy...partly becuz ya bars weren't even'd out....a lot were longer than others....that's what i mean...