We Are
 

Floating drifters in a world all our own
To be with many and to still feel alone
All the same down to the marrow of our bone
Inside many house but never a home
Iron bars act as cages to hold the truly gifted
And there they end when boxes drop and dirt is shifted
Dawn comes, and light begins a new life
Cord cut with a sword instead of a knife
To soon for him to be here so here he must leave
One breath and so goes the father’s seed
A stone of evil the color of snow destroys us all
As mystical as a phoenix they rise and they shall fall
And we shall rise
Young hearts aged by the images in there minds
Emerge from the city of crushed dreams
Days pass like a horror movie scene
Dark gray fog blanket out lines
Silhouette of what it could be races in my mind
Crying, there can be no more of
Twenty sets of arms and no kisses or hugs
Shoulders are to thin, for me to lean
And this Unit is too unreal to dream
The truth is never spoken simply flows with the wind
Alpha is the begin and this is the end

Intriguing...

....very...i mean it had such a cutting edge to it...like you didn't 'conform' or anything...you just got stuck in there, doing your own thing....bringing your own depth to it...your own meanings...the basic 'cover' of it made it very powerful...how you put the words together and what not....using good vocab...but then once one digs deep into it...they find it even more...well..powerful...

...a very, very apt piece of poetic social (and then of course, political and to an extent, psychological) commentary....told from one side very strongly...but not losing the 'over-view' feeling of it....

....respect...

....
 

das nice very nice...very nice...it has very nice depth t0o it anyways...wanna battle?....=D...have a nice day....one.ghost

ahh shurrre
Thanks for the feed back

up^^^^^ for feed

...enter the master....

:cool: ...the poetic devices used in this was pretty nice...somewhat transendentalistc...an oversol...''all of us are"...ya flow was nice...words a lil spimple..nah mean....your structure a lil elementary...somma ya metas is coo though....your similies is kinda nice...summa ya hyperbules was a lil off....still a coo piece...

you getta 7.3/10 ma....not bad....

hunnet

...exit master...

upen ^^^^^^^^^^6

Can I be honest with you?

I don't get it. I honestly don't get it. I'm probably looking way too deep into it but the way I interpeted this was a baby being born forcibly and martyred for the rights of black people.

And since I'm pretty sure that isn't what your poem is about, I'm going to shut up now cause I sound like an idiot. I really do.

lol^^^:p

Ok this is about my family
I don't really feel like Break it down line for line because It will take waaayyyy to long

Madd Preacher... unlike nearly every single moment I'm in contact with another human being... I honestly was not trying to be funny that time.

=\

It was still a good poem, Chase. Even if I don't understand it.

Thats ok sometimes I write thing that I understand but I don't think about the readers sorry about that

up

hoestly nec...i was just laughin at the fact that yu could actually admit that your an idiot :laugh2: ....your still coo....and the poem was nice as well...just needs some fixin here and there..


igido