Bursting Circle...
 

..took about 30-60mins...i've left it mainly raw, so it can hopefully get that extra desired effect...


Tame death in form of raw life
Buried deep in ones heart
Destiny lying at it's feet
In colliding worlds of dice

Eternity falls to knees, tired
With battles won to scales' dismay
The end screams for a reign supreme
Amid the loss victory emerges

Forward one moves, sword in hand
Ground shaking to devils core
"No mercy" he cries at deaths door
As tears fall to blood soaked floor

Laying motionless yet still alive
Emotion fading with pain it's gain
Soul slowly drained by justice of time
Martyr to neither descend nor ascend

And so death remains alongside life
Circle so vicious continues so surreal
Lessons forgotton, teachers all shot
Flames rise, to bring darkness so real

I read this a day or so ago, I just got around to replying to it.

This was like, wow. It's like one of those poems that invoke emotions into people, and in my case it invoked the emotion of hopelessness. I mean, why bother fighting if you're going to end up dead?

Damn... this board has gotten rear ended in a bad way. I think we might be the only ones alive. :eek:

Yes! Someone got it! Well mostly. But yes!

Yeah, very dead. And i thought the plague would do good. But it seems some of the good guys have been 'eliminated' too...

pah! - we can carry this forum, just the two of us, you and i...you and i? Aye, you and me, the two of us, you and i...(erm..)..

eh dis right here was pretty dope ya heard keep it up

yeah, respect for the comments...

ah Varentao.
Its been too long.

Your pieces always have this dark mysteriousness in symbolism to them..so much that it can be easy to read them and not take them for as much as they're worth..
They always possess this written quality thats just so unique..say if someone was to give me 50 poems with no authors I'd be able to tell which one was yours. But anyway, this was a great piece..great execution of the concept..I really liked the first stanza..

>Tame death in form of raw life
Buried deep in ones heart
Destiny lying at it's feet
In colliding worlds of dice

Amazingly written...really. Kind of saying, death is always right there next to life..and at anytime one force could over power another.

>Lessons forgotton, teachers all shot
Flames rise, to bring darkness so real

^just like what Necro (he's great, isnt he) said. What seems significant now is really meaningless in the long run. Damn let me stop babbling. Overall tight Piece, V..Sorry if im late to peep it. You're a very talented poet and I hope the likes of your work graces this forum for long time.
Peace n propz.

Oh I meant to ask you, what inspires you? You've always had a wide range of concepts.

Thanks Gege...i appreciate how try to get meaning out of my pieces...they're not the most reader friendly pieces (that i write)...

inspiration? Everywhere. Past, present and then possible future. Personal experience, and other people's experiences whicih i have felt, and lived - and also what goes on in the world in general which can be converted into something more closer to home or basic beliefs (like politics and injustice around the world)...i.e...i dunno...(!!)...

...respect for the comments Gege....and nice to see you back writing too...actually, asking people about there inspirations is something i've never asked anyone on here...yet it is intriguing, but something i never asked anyone before this place cos i already knew there inspiration...but it's much harder to know what ones inspiration is on here...hmmm....

im really just gettin around to readin your work its deep man u really gotta look deep to understand what u tryin to say that shit is hot im lookin forward to more!

I'm only really just appreiciating all the different type of poetry out there, and this one hit hard.
It was obvioulsy deep, but i was amazed at how it got me, and it seems everyone else thinking. The way it was set out really brought the subject to life (as ironic as that is).
I really looked into this poem and it has given me the motivation to try different styles of my own.

Good work.

Peace

respect to both for comments...

I've edited this piece. Changing a word (heh).

fuck you

SUBTEXT:

*sigh* So alone, so empty...

Don't type idiotic replies. There's many ways to vent your mental anguish, Mojo.

^^agreed to mr varentao right there...;)

wait wait wait....just for a sec??? posted : 02 13 03
wow...i havent even existed on rb yet when this was posted but im glad that i gotta to see the edited version ;)....hehehe


wow....really wow...i mean reading this that u wrote a couple of months ago and reading ur pieces now....wow..u had it already in u and still improving and just like what rb says "elevating"..hehe

this one had a great variety of vocab usage. I mean the deep meaningful words lie behind a true artistic meaning by themselves. The powerful structure of this reformed the words to act like they were meant to be there...

The whole content of this piece gave such meaning that would make someone sit back and think about what if and whats gonna happen.. i felt a lot of emotions...

i liked it..i really do...especially the fact that it was written a long time ago and just edited now...hehehe ;)

good job varentao

Heh, thanks Nitty.