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-   -   gimme some feedback (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=31639)

ButtMC 02-15-03 02:42 PM

gimme some feedback
 
i wrote this last night i want feedback

I’m not talented, I’m not gifted/I’m just shiftless/ with intense vision/ to invent rhythm/ as I dispense wisdom/ to impend doom on citizens/devastate with diligence/ development militant/ so ill it’s sick/so quick it hits/fists send you to the abyss/I’m ruling this/ you think that since you like the tragically hip/and hop around on cocks like a bitch/ that you understand this hip-hop shit/beat you with slip shafts/slit your wrist fast/ else I’ma come back/on dumb rappers/ who gun at money/ and think it’s funny/ to stab somebody/ claiming they dropping bodies/ I’m saying you a walking target/you must have had a brain fart/you can’t explain your part/ so you get ripped apart/ start to depart/ before I destroy your art/ with assorted smarts/ it’s sorta hard to see your power/you cower as I devour/your sour/ stammering, I’m hammering/ your amateur attempt at words/ you get discouraged/ I’m filled with courage/ your silly works/ will never dodge my heat seeking/ missiles. I’m peaking/ cause you creeping up/ but seeming stuck/ like semen/ seamen seeing red at morning must take warning/ you bitches disappoint me/ you should know I don’t give warning/ I’m random while I’m expanding on my aging gauging/ invading enchanted lands/ insanely accentuate my malevolence/ at a level ten times worse than you'll ever spit/

AJay 02-15-03 03:47 PM

good but u need to space i out, cuz i only read the top 2 lines then i got sick of reading it, hit the return key after the / :p


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