my life
 

this is a lil sometin that i had to write cuz i be dealin wit some shit so i thought i would write it..just tell me what yall think!!!

id thought id just write a short freestyle/
this is just an example on my life style/
live wit life cuz its all you got to live for/
give everyday everything u got and adore it/
i dont have a perfect life but it could be worse/
sometimes i cant bare wit it i just wanna burst/
i give everythin to my peeps and dont even care bout myself/
i could care less cause my peeps comes first/
but i need to stop cause my feelings is gettin steped on/
a devil is buildin up i was born wit a set a horns/
sometimes my parents arent very honest/
seems like its all lies and lies and broken pormises/
seems like now everyday its all racist/
because of it peoples get killed and turned into murder cases/
to me everybody is all one color/
weither your upper lower middle or souther/
i just want people to believe in me/
sometimes i just wish i would be token out this world or misery/
maybe somebody or someone would just set me free/
you can sit there and say this is bullshit but its how i feel/
a lot of times i just dont speak keep it seeled/
but im just comin at you truthfully,if u cant feel it must be to real/
but ive been gettin my shit straight and been a bigger man/
trin to claim im not smart enough to be tha bigger man/
its like this whole thing wit afghanistan and american/
they are ready to give war at hand/
take my peeps and fam to a new land and expand/
now it seems like hip-hop is all bout weed and fancy cars/
yall all wanna go to clubs smoke weed and try to look large/
but when you act like someone besides yaself u trin to dodge out/
but try to stay on top cuz life can move really fast/
u get off track life can attack and kick you in tha ass/
a lot of times i feel like i cant stay on top/
i get frustarated and feel like a air filled ballon ready to pop/
why most you see me and wanna hate/
but dont expect new cuz i wont regenerate/
but this is just an example oh my lifestyle/
and hopefully i wont have to rap again on my life style/

this wasn't bad....but not great.

on the plus side you did have some lines that were real. that i thought, dam i know what he means here....

i felt where you were coming from....


i think you needed to make your shit a little more complex maybe with inner bar rhyme schemes or by using long syllable rhymes, cause at the minute it is a very basic flow.

your verse also lacked cohesion, you topic switched too much, one minute you were talking about your parents, then about being an emcee, then racism....it made it hard to folow, you need to pick a topic and stick with it.....


keep droppin

man i liked that its just so real it made me want to keep reading and not just give up on it. alot of shit you had in there was so deep and i can tell where ya coming from and why ya had to get it out. ya you do switch topics alot as some other person said but still its all one big topic i guess your life stlye yeah it was good keep pumping like that its good and original

ight
 

yea thanks for tha advice tha reason why ikept switchin subjects was becuz i was tellin how my life was that was all about my life..but thankz for tha advice...if anybody reads this tell me what yall think...

~1~

BOO-HOO....you know ya inspiration was when u was watching the micheal jackson Interveiw while jerking off.....dont lie

Anyways shit was weak and wack.....more like a poem then a rap...but then again this is online...haha



Work on it wanksta...haha


Peace.....
1.............

fuck you
 

see i knew i shouldnt even have wasted my time by puttin my shit on here cuz some punkass dude like u gotta talk some shit...and sayin my shit is weak and wack your just mad cuz u a lil mama's boy and shes gives u everythin u want u lil ingrateful punk...but anyways fuck you and ur opinion and why u wanna talk some shit alls u had to do was be like i dont like it wasnt good and that should have been it but u wanna talk shit over tha internet fuck ur lil internet ass...

Ive noticed
 

A lotta peeps be puttin poetic type shit on this,

Coo, sorry to hear bout all ya drama, but try bein me for a day,

Wordplay an shit was at a minimum, but not horrible...