Broken Adrenline
 

~/Whats Wrong wit me/~

When did bleedin become so normal
When did i stop Be comin Unmoarnful
Why Don't I care about Life
Why Do i Enjoi the Blade of this Knife


It Began When You Started to pick me apart/
When You started to go strait for my heart/
Now Im to the Point Wheres Its like Fuck MySelf/
Do Drugs Just to Destroy My Health/
Im Breakin Laws Just to Get Arrested/
Mouthin Off in School Just to Get Suspended/
Im Feelin like Im My Own Worst Enemy/
N theres No one Trying to Defend me/
Like None Of you People Even give a Damn/
LIke You all Hate Me in Controbanned/
So Whats The Point Of Following Human law/
When I can Change My World wit the Alcohol/
I got an all New Look on Humanity/
There Ain't No one that Can Handle Me/
No one In the Fuckin World is StopMe/
When I got an Oz of this Coke in My brain Rotten Me/
I see the Blood drip from your body n I feel Joy/
Im feelin happy that i took somebodies BabyBoy/
Only feelin calm at the sound of the screams/
Like that rush is the only thing that makes me dream/
The Rush of Adreline Pumps Through my Heart/
Thats the Only way I can Mend the Piece you broke apart/

That was decent, I wasn't feeling it too much though. I felt the ending good though. The flow seemed to be off which was caused by the bars being too short. Just lengthen them by about 2 or 3 more syllables and it should be about right. Sometimes the ending words didn't even rhyme to me. Keep elevatin

pz

Poetic
 

that wasnt really rap, that was more like a poem, it was ill tho

dude im feelin that shit right now..... good shit keep it up brah:)

solid, original, good imagery, rhyme shceme needs a little work and the rhythm was a little off. but definately up par on the average in here.

good work. keep posting.

this was a decent drop, good to see you putting your real life into your lyrics, but to be honest your flow was a little bit choppy at times. you could do with adding more multis to your rhymes, they would make your scheme flow better and add a little complexity to an other wise basic rhyme.....

keep at it dawg

Ya Ive been away from rappin for a while some fucked up shit happening....
Ya i agree its more of a poem....
Thanks for the critizime...
Next post will be better when i add in some word playn shit