short freestyle
 

Narcicyst on this most recent mission/make it virtually impossible for y'all to breathe and listen/like an officers brief vision of his death in a deep position/with a knife in his thighs givin you a feelin you made a weak decision/this rap game i'm like o.j. never forgiven/on these sort of verses i yell out "EXCLUSIVE" with Clues permission/kill your vocabulary without using no euphemizms/make you dread the endless time regardless of your crews religion/my knowledge get on your nerves like genetic wisdom/in crime funded schemes my mind run like headless chickens/decapitaing hip hop heads is such a short day/when i parish like smith i'll be missed like my court dates/if i show of course late like letterman/you dummies are stressed like a crash course/circle my prey like the art of death task force/listen to this verse guarenteed you can feel i'm one of the realest/i'm blazin line like pyromanic coke dealers

this chick
 

yo thid chicks with my buddy but i wanna make her mine
when she touches me it sends shivers up my spine
and i get this feelin when she looks in my eyes
like ja rule 2 ashanti i m mezmerized
i can say i love her but that is to put it simply
when she aint around my whole world feels empty
i m sayin this cause i dont wanna be alone when i m 60
yo i m goin to the top and i wanna take her with me
for this chick i do anythin swing shoot or fight
fuck bonnie and clyde this will be tasha and phat mike

yo you need to loose the bars
and type your verses out like this.
makes it much easier to read
and the flow is felt more
also... you need to pick one topic
stick to that topic and get ya point across.
you got skills though kid
you could have some dope content
well... if you put your mind to it anyways
so yea.. elevate and ill be sure to peep ya next drop

some decent, yet scatter thoughts in this piece! like i said stick to a certain topic! nice simalies and such though..
elevate yo, keep droppin!

yo, it was a'ight... personally I didn't really like it, but as far as rhyme skills and such go you have it.

NARCE its only a matter of time .. you will definately get the respect you earned and deserve.