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"Search For Perfection"
Here's a new topic for y'all to ponder about...
he's feeling weak at the cost of tryin to get a meaning across but everytime he puts his pen to a pad, it seems that he's lost and its like its absurd, cuz although he's devoted his time he cant get his emotions to rhyme, or describe it in words he spends hours upon hours putting words in a section just to throw them away because of his search for perfection he knows the effects, yet he wants to be known as the best so he takes criticism to heart, like theres a hole in his chest cuz he's concerned of what everyone else is bound to think so he thinks about these things and writes til he's out of ink... then throws the paper away... and goes to get another pen and then once again he thinks of ways of makin it great never takin a break from writin; then he's scrappin another its like his train of thought doesnt even have a conductor.. or his thinkin cap just doesnt fit, and he's had enough of it... but he keeps on writing, because the man just loves to spit alas papers are still bein torn and ripped from his folder he's a starvin artisist eatin away at the chip on his shoulder the kids a serious writer who wont choose to stop til later he's belemic trying to throw up his food for thought on paper attempts fail over and over again to say what he wants to say its not the same on some other days when shit flows from the pen he stays copin but then... its over, but the kid is in sorrow. cuz he needed some sleep, so he'll have to finish tomorrow. Feedback is appreciated... P.E.A.C.E. |
yo this topic is ill.
i liked you wordplay and multi's flow coulda had more structure,maybe i didnt catch it some quotables i liked too: Quote:
i was feeling those lines.nice imagery yo this was an overall really nice piece i give it a 7.5 or a 8/10 ~1~ reply to my shit if you wanna topic to think about yo...lol "9 months of solitude" |
"Thank You..."
I'll get to your topic right now dog..thanx for the feedback...
A couple of my bars had a weird structure to 'em, I didn't put the correct punctuation on them, so many of my bars may not have "rhymed"...heres the bars.... and its like its absurd/ cuz although he's devoted his time he cant get his emotions to rhyme, or describe it in words// then throws the paper away/... and goes to get another pen and then once again he thinks of ways of makin it great// attempts fail over and over again/ to say what he wants to say its not the same on some other days when shit flows from the pen// ^^^Those are the lines I'm reffering to... My rhyme structure, and now..the flow, may be alittle more obviouse, and easy to follow........ To The Heavens..... P.E.A.C.E. |
Y'know what? The one day I decide to go from the poetry forum to open mic to read something I choose this peace. And y'know what I think of this piece?
It's amazing. It didn't disapoint at all. It exceeded expectations I was having. Especially cause I've tried writing a peice with the same subject and I completly whacked it like a victim of the mafia. But you pulled it off, more than I can do. Mo-Mentai. |
sick verse... topic is a li'l 8mile for me, "oh wait, here comes somethin'.. nope not good enough scribble it out, new pad tear the shit up and throw the shit out....//" and so on, 8mile road.. same topic, but I admit you did it very well, nice use of vocab, good flow throughout, props on the piece dawg.. do you do audio?
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"To The Sky..."
Thanks dog, i appreciate that...alot. Good to know that you (and other peeps) appreciate the effort I put into my writtens....
P.E.A.C.E. Oh...and i do go to studios, but I don't have the equipment to bring it out to sites and shit...And It is a bit 8 Milish, but it's an old ass piece...the topic was fesh when I wrote it...lol. I guess great minds think alike....lol. |
"To The Heavens..."
To The sky.........
P.E.A.C.E. |
Aight this nigga got "Run rabbit run" ON HEAVY REPEAT...lol
once again OPEN MIC has come UNORIGINAL....AGAIN!!....i get sad when that happens...haha wack bitches.... i like how you defend ya work with "i worte it before 8mile this is my old work"...hahahaha rrrrrrrright anyways work on it shit needs work Stan... well Stan maybe next time you wont cock please ya fav rapper in ya own little way....like this wack shit u typed here...come orgiginal next time Peace..... 1......... |
yo that shit was off the meat rack. The only part that didnt flow was "attempts fail over and over again to say what he wants to say", you rhymed through out but this one didnt. maybe it did and i just missed it.
Score: 8/10 |
"Thanks..."
Thanks LargeHuman....fuck off Rawdeadly....I's just like to know where the fuck you were when I wrote this? Exactly cunt..get the facts straight before you open that gaping cock sucker and start talking shit...
Holla...... P.E.A.C.E. |
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
*Alarm clock buzzes load as hell with the most annoying tone known to man*
"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" *Smacks to the face get handed out for free throught the peacefully sleeping comunity of Emcees* P.E.A.C.E. |
^^^^
P.e.a.c.e. |
yo this is hot dawg...
i can relate to this shit too..... i done threw so many verses away cuz i didn't think it was at a certain level..... nice shit man peace |
Quote:
Until you can write a decent open mic .. i highly sugest that you stfu .. your wack, and its people like you who have to bring good things down with your meaningless shit talking .. why do you do this ? because you feel threatened, and you have no talent .. you fuckin slut, do some shit like this again .. bitch :) Great piece .. you write really good, probaly one of the best open mics i've seen on rb for a while .. keep at it man, i enjoyed the whole scheme and imagaries .. keep writing .. iLL shit Pz |
Thank You very much.....^^^appreciate you taking up for me...lol...
P.e.a.c.e. |
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