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-   -   the world (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=31991)

-opia 02-21-03 11:30 PM

the world
 
The world as we know it darkens daily from the damage
from the cradle to the grave, millions trying to manage
another baby born a bastard to a pennyless mother
another tear is dropped, remembering the life of a brother
the strife of another youth becomes unbearably heavy
uncaring and deadly, his hate becomes a tear in the levy
a seed of slavery and prejudice becoming full grown
kings and queens lacking loyalty were placed on the throne
disgraced and unhoned, the peasants were too few to react
"It hurts to fight back, plus they'd whip me if I loosened the slack"
a poor man sees our history repeating itself
in need of some wealth, competing for a seat on the shelf
"I've caught all the elf and leprechaun, i now become old
my life was spent chasing rainbows and i never found gold"
a woman wakes up every morning missing her son
another victor fallen victom to the way of the gun
"I pray he might come and pay just one last visit to me
the visions i see awake me from the deepest of sleep"
These plots repeat themselves untill the end of existance
commending submission, our freedom fades away in the distance
still accelerating swiftly with nobody to slow it
so still I dwell upon the subject: the world as we know it

But...

The world as I know it remains content in it's calm
a line of happyness & wisdom was implaced in my palm,
invaded with bombs, who cares?, still got a pad & a pen
not saddened by men unless i lost the life of a friend
physical wealth lost my concern once i learned of the arts
there's more to life than pain & strife that you might feel in your heart

Criticizm is welcome.
let me know what you think
peace

The 13th Apostles 02-21-03 11:36 PM

"My 2 Cents..."
 
I liekd this piece, enjoyed reading it...liked the concpt behind it, and the flow was on point the whole way thru....

stay spittin.....

P.E.A.C.E.

-opia 02-21-03 11:54 PM

word is bond.

-opia 02-22-03 04:02 PM

FEEDBACK
 
does anybody on this board read other people's pieces or what?

SpiTz 02-22-03 10:32 PM

Ill....
 
shit was nice.....the concept was good and I feel ya at the end about the pen and the pad......I think that some of the rhyme scheme was basic but your descrpitive points outshined that....dope drop....

-opia 02-23-03 04:03 AM

thnx dawg
up

Matt6383 02-23-03 08:32 AM

that was pretty nice man.... i love it when its easy to read like that. The swing towards the end is a nice transition..... keep the good shit comin!

-opia 02-23-03 12:07 PM

thnx man,
keep it comin


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