the unseen final
 

ive held your love in my heart willingly for so long
filling me with this pride that ive never known before
you gave me so much inspiration,and were my focus point
everyday it was you that all i could think of
you gave me faith and hope in what tomarrow had in store
and still no matter what with each second i loved you more and more
only to get torn from my one and only
to get my most valuable property broke
at most i am alone, with no real direction
im guessing moving on will be my new reflection towards life
fuck the strife that this unforgiving bitch of a world brings
ive lost so much but gained my wisdom teeth
i know that seems a bit ignorent
but ive spent my all to the one who was heaven sent
she has stolen my heart, and completely left with it

no comments?

yo what up man, you this was pretty short man, usually u be writing alot...
you man this sounds like a love letter... lol
Anyway for a consept like this it had some good emotion, it makes for good poetry, and since this is what this forum is about, I'll say this was a pretty good piece, rhymes were descent and so was the wordplay, but since in poetry its more about the messege involved... you pulled it off pretty well...

Aight then man, I'm out peace

I felt this alot...cos i relate to many of the things you're saying very much so...and very deeply...

...but then i put my impartial hat on...and see that it's a piece bursting with emotion, but those emotions and power is struggling to be released to it's full potential....

...it seems like it's one of those pieces that the writer has struggled to put something so powerful and important in his life on paper...an overload on his/her creative channels that are either not yet capable of handling such powerful emotions, or that it was just one of thsoe days, where they were just too taut, and suffocating this time...like a one off....methinks the latter...but a bit of the former too (which is the case with most people, including myself)...

i felt the ending epitomised what i've detailed (kind of anyway!) above...it seemed kind of blunt...not the actual message....but the way you executed it...

...still, it has a certain amount of rawness and power to make it good for me...and cos of some of the exact things you were talking about, which i kind of deeply related to, it made it an even better piece for me...

anway, respect...