INSOMNIAC (please read)
 

sleep? fuck it i'mma chronic insomniac, stay awake at night thinkin of islamic bomb attacks~
dreamin only teleports me to land of demonic acts where i arrive just in time to see my body collapse~
Collapse and rise again wit the signs of tired men on a quest for restless enlightenment/
i rest my eyes in vents reptilian slits behind the lens/ never to be fully blind to light for it it prevents the mind's extents/
flashes a glimpse of a restless body wrapped in sheets, tossing and turning whilst wrestling with sleep~
temper tantrum techniques bring my emotions back to a peak, and sleep becomes a unattainable peace~
Fuck it why sleep when every dream is made of me?/
REMs are made at least once a week and today they await for me patiently to defame the weak/
vaguely reminise of the actions that the day set upon my shoulders, all the drama infesting my body with stressed ulcers~
drink of the day...folgers...it's like at work my mind needs rest, but at night energy pumps through my flesh~
whut can i possibly use to lessen my hostily fused night urge to brandish a mic and some werds/
Vicatin emersed in my saliva glands rightfully serves the feuling of more fighting werds from my minds firey turf/
liable to burst from my hearse and keep hurlin disturbed verbs that grip-n-squeeze ya late night nerds~
speak in the thirds cuz poets eyelids burn when clamped...when will he learn that late night brings out the phantom clans~
Diminished without importance, sleepless in absorption of scenes and flashes of war flicks, closed eyes never replenished energy spent on thoughts of vengeance in performance/
Sinning in proportions blind to the naked eye, sacred rhymes, slumber intervals reduced when these phrases fly, alternate dimensions is where I'm taking minds, stay complacent, WHY!?!?........................ cause the bravest die/
The day defines my humble rest no lids may incase my eyes/ just remain in slight--lowerd to monitor my brain's main supply/ stay awake to fight the slumbered chains of the mind in a place where time clashed/poltra poet sleep?--if ever it shall be my last/
iris and pupil intact lids a rebelious feature, peirced by light rays and visions that don't exist either~~
daylight sleeper, creepin at night like castalvanian residents preying on the weaker~mischevious midnite speakers~
Disbelievers, I'm foreign to dreamers, lack of rest leaves my brain ripped in seizures, shuddering in involuntary muscle movements, why am I who trouble chooses/
My conscience a football team in huddled bruises, exhausted, I'm the theme song of combat, warriors just rumble to it/


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damm this was long...
That verse is too long, should have separted it at least... give the eyes rest...
Anyway... I thought this was nice... a bit boring at some parts but the rhymes and vocab were strong all the way through... shi had a nice flow too...
"sleep? fuck it i'mma chronic insomniac, stay awake at night thinkin of islamic bomb attacks~
dreamin only teleports me to land of demonic acts where i arrive just in time to see my body collapse~ "
As soon as I read these lines^ I decided to read the whole thing, very strong opening to your piece...

Peace Dawg

yeah the opening was fire. good vocab. imagery and flow, but it kinda got boring a little bit into it.
it was a nice piece overall tho. good vocab. and flow.
keep it up.

Dawg this was good. The only think i didnt like is the format because it was hard to read. I you just switched your style a little as far as the length of your bars, you'd be a lot better

try like a block format. get your bars to all end in the same spot on the page. not all will be perfect but it will be much easier to read. Peace