PLEASE RATE: "Bang"
 

**This is a verse i spit about dis dude that was talkin shit about me in my hood...he neva responded. i'm tryin to get better so do me this:

*rate it (1-10..."10" is best)
*give best line
*give any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism

Thanks y'all...\

-L. Dash
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This dumb nigga Tyrone Daye/
Kinda like [Liberaci] or Marvin...'Tyrone's GAYE'/
You're a "doldier"-Stay in your place/
Or I'll take ya Tims off ya feet, and stomp a hole in your face/
You're a full blown punk, dun-swear that you're Blood/
You'll only rock those colors if i spray you wit slugs/
You're older than me but you sure ain't raw/
Call me BARB-speak and i'll WIRE your jaw/
You tried to diss me-try to be evil/
WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU-YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE/
Call me 9.11...cuz Lord Willin'/
My fist will be the plane while the chest plays the building/
Don't risk ya life wit the kid that's nice/
'Cuz when i get ya, i stay on you like white on rice/
Retire ya life-this is such a disaster/
I'ma hang ya fucking ass like banners in rafters/
Every girl you get looks like Killa Cam/
Or is from the zoo-look like gorillas fam/
Why would a chick even fuck with a fag/
I guess you mack wit ya head under a bag/
You talk real hard-but inside you're not/
[Ya gangsta's like 50 Cent-nigga, IT"S SHOT/
Me, you're not but you wish you could be/
[It can't happen like thug niggas wearing Yale hoodies]/
You're retarded; this beef-you started this/
Fuck around and you could get clapped like an audience/
...Or made to bleed from the brain/
You so grimey only time you get dimes is when you're receiving change/
Money, don't speak on the clothes/
Cuz ya wifebeaters look like Busta's car-riddled with holes/
Don't get mad cuz I'm real and you're so-so/
I'll call ya Nate Dogg-got ya ass screaming 'OH NO"/

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
little bitch why you posting here?
tell this shit to that nigga
u skurred hoe
by the way this WAS WACK......



Peace.....
1.........



Ps:.....haha Online thugs make me laugh...: )

nah don't listen shit was phat that nigga called you a bitch cause he's on a computer

thats phat dude, but it didnt quite flow....and it kinda broke up at the end...

favorite line: My fist will be the plane while the chest plays the building

and really all you got to do is make it flow betta

gotta agree with boo... it was dope until the end where i couldnt see any rhyming happening...
My fist will be the plane while the chest plays the building
that was dope too... just work on your finishings... keep rhymin