"untitled"
 

This is something I wrote:


The pain in my head is as painful as in my heart.

I see my emotions turning black as eternity passes me by.

I hear the screaming in my head.

I smell nothing because my senses have left me with nothing.

I reach out to touch those who try to help me, but they fade away

I taste the cold harsh reality of life and then I wake up.

yo this is whack...it dont even ryhme!
keep practicing...2 posts aint enuff yet

for ur infomation, it ain't supose to rhyme, jackass......what the hell u talking about 2 post......when u urself only have three.....so please find a better way to be a asshole.

it dont gotta rhyme..its only your thoughts an feelings

if you go to any open mic night ish lotta people blaze it
rhyming and some dont rhyme at all..its all poetry...

what im gettin from readin this....im feelin lost myself thinkin
am i really doing tha right thing and is she tha one...a million unanswered questions homie..this poem wasnt great but it
wasn horrible either..check minez..peace

was short, but kind of precise and to the point...did it's 'job' in a way..

...respect...

thx for ur replys.....any suggestions are helpful for me.....
peace

this was good becaus eit was original i get it it was like you was express your 5 sense's right. good base.

umm
^^:rolleyes: ok..."original"...every piece is original...lets give some real feedback..the kidd needs it....

son...ya structure was mos def wack...ya vocab very simple....ya subjct was at a nice start...what you need to do is...elaborate on ya feelings....expand ya voab...n switch ya structure....organize ya thoughts n re do this piece..

why does your head hurt as much as ya heart

why do you hear screaming....

detail son..thats what gets the reader....believe

holla

one...hunnet