The Truth
 

My heart pours out to all the mothers that shout, seeing there daughters and sons gettin blasted away in the war, what for?, so we can continue the hate in America?, i'm not tryin to throw a scare at ya, but just realize the truth,we as people have to commit ourselves to the youth.So they can grow up and be our future leaders,so instead of people rappin about two seaters,and heaters,lets rap about changing our ways,if not this war will go on for days and days.Music should be an inspiration,espicially rap,never call other types of music crap,we as entertainers should join togeather,and stay in unity forever.In this game u have to be clever,but yet still make a point,so instead of sparkin that next joint,get out a message to these kids.Give me a pen, a paper, and a quiet room, ill come out with a rhyme that will spare a kids life, he'll realize, there is no strife, and he'll learn to love his life.And they'll listen to my song, instead of hitting the bong,and have a need to achieve.

That had good content to it but I don't think rap and the teenagers today have anything to do with what is happening in the middle east... Hate on the streets doesn't make presidents be like "hmm, kids are hatin... I should start a war, start the draft and that will reduce the violence." No, but this was a good verse anyway. Just improve your flow and vocab... space out your bars to improve readability and it's all good

pz

yeah that was nice, you definitely need to improve the readability of it though. i was struggling to see what rhymed with what.

try something like this next time you write, it will help people understand you more -

when i grab the mic, dudes and bitches listen/
or i'll leave em' cut up, like a jack the ripper victim/

keep spittin' D