Success or Failure?
 

u reach for that dream goal thats way up in the sky,
u try to grab a hold of it, but its just too high
in ur mind u think that it 'cant be done',
now its definate of wat you've just become
u wish that u could do it, but ur minds in reality,
another attempt but u forget that theres gravity
u then realise it, and u finally know the truth,
that u aint no one special, u aint no Babe Ruth
not because that its physically impossible,
its that u think this goal is a giant colossal
its a cycle that u think is infinite,
but u didnt realise that its 90 percent,
of action is doing, u set ur mind to it and u start moving,
maybe one day u will complete ur quest,
on a journey that every indervidual possess
because somethin in ur body motivates u 'n' its the chest
inside that lies a big red heart, this thing plays a big part,
in wat u do in life, wat u wana be,
whether u fail or where u succeed,
which 1 would u chose ?, would u rather win or lose ?
because its the decisions in life, that tells us if were right,
that keeps us out of strife and live a good life,
u recieve mail, its the letter of life, u open it with a sharp knife,
u find out wether u passed of failed, everyones letter has a different ending, it depends on wat they did with there spending, not enough saving or too much lending, after this there is no mending, so it depends on wat was your ending ?

please give some feedback on this, dont mind wat the comments are, even if there bad is better then none, dont go to sleep on me

.Responding.
 

This joint was all right, a little elementary though. Your rhyme play needs to be more advanced, with better vocab. It sounds a little like a little kid's poem. But keep working on it, i'm uppin'...

feelin it, but seems a little soft . keep strivin

simple... yeah maybe... soft... nah....
Yo I was really feeling your concept on this... I wrote a verse sort of like this...
This still needed work those... concept alone doesn't make it a hot pieace... the words used and the rhymes are pretty simple, a bit elementary... the flow was decent though...

Peace

it was deep thinkin, pretty good though

Yo, Unifire, this shit is way better than your last post, your improvin, thats the main thing, keep doin it.

thanks for tha feedback, i know i didnt spend alot of effort on this post but atleast i know wat angles to improve on for future referance.. peace