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-   -   Twisted Love (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=34298)

BaByGeE894 03-17-03 04:29 PM

Twisted Love
 
My hand slides slowly down her face, her skin is so smooth/
I stare into her eyes as the room begins to move/
She lets out a sigh and asks me if I love her/
I tell her what she wants to hear, like there's no one above her/
She smiles back and falls deeper into the moment/
And I smile harder cause I know my charm is potent/
I work my magic and make my way between her thighs/
Telling her lies about how I'm not like other guys/
She's a virgin but she wants me inside of her/
So I play hard to get and I do it inspite of her/
We talk about makin' love and what'll happen if she get pregnant/
I reassure her that I'll be there so the situation is less tense/
I'm living for the present, just praying it don't disrupt my future/
Next thing I know I'm on top and trying to give it to her/
Breathing hard, she's so tight...it's almost a struggle/
Trying to figure out the thoughts that my brain continues to juggle/
What is now is for certain, What's to come is a maybe/
I just hope these ain't his thoughts, since I might be having his baby.....

DaGyrlRemarqabL 03-17-03 04:53 PM

woooooow...nice piece here gyrl..great flow and imagery..really captivated me..great work.
pzNpropz.

Content 03-17-03 05:10 PM

This Is Pretty Much How A Talk I Had Last Night Went
Readin Some Of This Here..People I Knew Got Kids
Cause Their Girls Mentioned Nothing About Being
On Tha Pill And I Dont Need A Kid Right Now Even
Though I Love Kids

"We talk about makin' love and what'll happen if she get pregnant/
I reassure her that I'll be there so the situation is less tense"

decent lines...

S.K.O.E. 03-18-03 02:44 AM

tight shit B.G.

sound kind of like me lol

like how u flipped the perspective.. like how u told this poem from the male perspective but flipped it in the end

nice shit yo

peace

The Necromancer 03-18-03 06:37 AM

That's frigging scarey crimping stuff there. I mean, if I end up having some guys baby and all he used me for was sex I'd be so scared that... uh... I'd be scared. (Of course I'd probably be less scared about the whole weight of the situation having to take in on alone and being used like an object by an asshole, and more scared by the fact that I'm a guy and guy's tend not to get pregnant.)

But y'know, I could really feel what's going on in this poem. It's a scary thought being pregnant and alone.

~Shalom~

unkorruptable 03-18-03 10:24 AM

powerful piece girl...very thought provoking and deep...
props

varentao 03-18-03 12:44 PM

hmmm...

...nicely done, if not a bit too emphatic twist and ending...but still, it depicted the emotions of the 'situation' well, whilst looking at it in a slightly different way...

...flowed well too...even though i felt once or twice it may have relied a bit too much on rhyme...but then again, it didn't do much to disrupt the reading of the piece...

..respect...

Madd Preacher 03-18-03 01:42 PM

waoh....well te poem to me was a simplistic piece...but the end had me fucked up!..fa real....hahahhaha...i was like whaaaaaaaat:cool:...ya vocab was aiight...structure was basic...but the end is what fucked me up...nah mean\

holla

one...hunnet

BaByGeE894 03-18-03 10:17 PM

LOL thanks for the replies...man i guess ya'll don't remember me...I'm a vet. LOL...Co-Champ of the first RB poetry tourney..too bad my skills don't depict that. But oh well..hopefully i'll turn out better iish later...Tc holla one

The Necromancer 03-19-03 10:53 PM

You only have twenty eight posts. How dare you call yourself a Vet. And another thing, blah blah blah and yada yad... hey! Your Baby Gee... I think I remember that name. I just can't quite put my finger on it.

Where on Earth have I ever heard the name BaByGeE894?

I guess I'll never know. Oh well.


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