lightening house
 

feeble minds can make the best of all designs---
relating those scriptures to more recent time lines--
his ability and power felt driven to the heart--and yet he stands there with consent that his fathers fake intent drove'm apart--It was a start of a new beginning--dealt with sin far within worn out veins to a paper thin--I make a miracle you've made much more--congratulating the prosperity of his validity based on his triumphant score--my throat turns sore as if this lightening house could pass away and drive the past on the straight track to a clarity train- is it vanity-built through out my preface to make words seem more valuable to attain a better surface--aspired by the lightening house im uncontrollable to a human mind--thoughts twist so fast that the days in my life never last--lasted for a second now im back to the start—break free from a wish list to find a broken heart


give som input

yo deacon,
i found this a bit hard to follow coz of the layout...i couldn't really find the rhyme skeme...maybe try to set out your rhymes like a verse nah mean?

keep writing.

from wut I made out the shit was deep. had real meanin. keep postin

yeah thanks for all your kind words. I feel the rhyme scheme is rather easy to follow and the way inwhich it was written is actually how i like to do it.but yeah people in the past have told me that the way i write them can be a bit confusing. word keep them coming

spoken word...not said quickly to flow
read it and dont lookfo tha words to rhyme

saul willims from slam rips shit like this

saul williams - penny for a thought*

kinda hard to catch the central meaning at first, but after reading it twice I had a bettere understanding of it, pretty deap, yeah...
This wasn't hard to read like others may say, had good amount of complexity, decent flow, good vocab... kinda short though... should have added a bit more, cause it was a pretty good verse...

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difficult to follow in rhythm, in rhymne and in layout. i couldnt really understand, the imagery (good thought it was), it was orignal, but you need some clarity here man.

Thanks for your words- i like to keep my words abstract so they can be perceived in all sorts of different meanings. As for clarity i feel that clarity can ruin an imagination--I give the reader an opportunity to set his own path-- I just wrote another one you all should check out its called to my name--i think it represents a more narrow vessel of understanding--

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