Last Goodnight
 

My life is not ending - im not going to die,
then why do i feel like with this news i wanna cry *~
Life will move on - i will one day forget,
but i will also feel a kind of regret *~
I dont want this now - but one day i will,
but why do i feel like this - like my life`s gone still *~
Everyone around me smiles,
not knowing whats happening inside of me *~

All i can think about is how much i love you,
and i dont wanna cry because i dont want you to be sad too *~
This is serious but i dont wanna feel down,
its just another life experience together on this never ending,
merry go round *~

Soon i will see you again and for that day i wait,
to rap my arms around you and all my love for u i`ll state *~
I just want to hold you and you hold me oh so tight.
i love being close to you feels so right.
you`ll put your head to my stomach and for the last time,
you`ll say goodnight *~


Supz Yall, aint been on a min ...
thought id drop this .. im kinda emotional atm
and needed to vent ... so yall might know what
im writting bout !

HoLLa

this was cool.. lil sweet piece of ones thoughts...

but now to the nitty of elevation sista

Life will move on - i will one day forget,
but i will also feel a kind of regret *~

im not callin u out..but "a kind of regret" doesnt sound all that nice... a sense of...but not such thing as kind of...get ma drift?

ya poem was coo...simple in most aspects...ya vocab n structure in the beginning was a lil plain...you came a lil nicer towards the end of the middle stanza an the end...

holla

one...hunnet

I aint gonna make no stupid jokes. It wouldn't be appropriate. But like some german supermodel on TV said, 'It is better to have loved and lost than engage in a winter ground assault with Russia'. I'm sure there is a better version of that old saying, but it still remains true.

'Cause you know when it's all said and done and you're eighty years old sitting on the porch of some retirement home. You aint gonna have much left except the memory's of those you loved. Try and make those positive memorys.

~Shalom~

Raw emotions shown in this piece for sure...

..i'm presuming this piece is about 'your man' going out to war in Iraq...so no technical critique on this...

...but that is kind of unlucky in a way, only 2,000 troops sent form Australia, and your boyfriend is one of them...what is he? Normal infantry? SAS? or maybe some other special forces?...

Either way, i feel ya for sure...in my own little way...nicely done i felt...i.e. vented well...(!!)...and nice to see ya back too...

...respect...

nice piece...emotions expressed completely an very well...tight drop...
picked up very nicely at the end of it...though it didn't start all that well....

but tight drop never the less....


keep dropp'n....

this was a pretty decent piece girl..nicely written..
you probaly dont remember me but you came
alright with this..

~Content~

It isnt bout ma man going away ...

kinda more personal ... thought some yall would see
it ... i obviously hid the meaning too well ..

thanx


pz

first off welcome back, dime. long time no see. this is joe terrify from backs in the day!! jus hollarin, ya bored aim me @ evilbombsquad. ya first verse had an emotional ride. that im feelin in away but on a diffrent level. next verses ya dropped your emotions were way more personal. not really trying to re-read your peice to ya. just lettin ya know i read it. ya imagery brought a clear picture of your content threw out the peice.

stayup

WHOA...

This Was Really Good...

We Haven't talked in so long cuz i forgot my password for this site...
but i'm back....

but this was good...
Every time i check for you...u keep elevating.,,which isn really good to see....

holla at me...

one luv....
peace...

nicely done gurl....i kinda know whatchu mean...keeponit

--HEAD UP!

Nicely done yo i was feeling it....u put alot of emotions in it and baby am not leaving am still here wit you...lool jokin

Anywayz......WUN

haha

Thanx up