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-   -   don't sleep (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=34649)

Ra 03-20-03 11:55 AM

don't sleep
 
from sunrise to set
the shadows keep lurking
neva sleeping
got the early bird chirping
blowing a kiss back
when death starts flirting
she's the playa on these streets
everynight searching
your guns are unemployed
ours got the bitch working
left ya on the corner
body still jerking
casualties of war
as we lay the peace
bodies soul searching
as your numbers decrease
the money hungry niggas
trying to get obese
caught'em on the low
like confessions to a priest
chamber pulling back
with the shells i release
the spark of the battle
now ending wit fury
watch the body count
their squad and the jury
Tips catch the lawyers
Spade u got the beauty
snatch up the witness
we beat the case surely
the price of life
wheneva caught sleeping
hold ya girl close
wheneva the fam's squeezing

~SiLeNcE~ 03-20-03 11:57 AM

^RnR.

Ra 03-20-03 10:01 PM

holla wit sum feedback

bonez1000 03-20-03 10:24 PM

dope bro shorts lines tho but perty tight..keep rippin

Mass_Destruction 03-20-03 11:15 PM

dope rhymes ra.... y'all fancy nxt verse.

follow this

now here we go with this hip hop balling
time to hit it up cos these people calling
for new styles and for new rhyme construction
it's time for a weapon of Mass Destruction
with new beats and new rhymes to play to
time for this white boy to show how to.
keep writing and gyrating ur pelvis
callin me vanilla ice and the new elvis
the more u say is the more ammo i got
i just throw it all inside this fukkin melting pot
and mix it up with new beats just like dre does
so step off me like that. u aint got the sack cus
i'm sick of this it's time for me to pass the mike here
yo Ra show these mutha fuckas who we got here

inspire 03-20-03 11:45 PM

was cool... but i agree the lines were a bit short... keep working on it... keep rhymin

Domain 9 03-21-03 07:01 PM

Ra?... Ra Ill?... Drego Ninja?... same guy? If so holla at me bro

pz

•Cist•M• 03-21-03 09:01 PM

naw, i liked the way it was, i like the pause set up that you made with the shortened lines, worked nicely to me, whoever says different, needs to be around more

yeah D, i was thinkin' the same thing... damn... ra... rnr.... fig.... anyway peace bro-ham slices

Ra 03-22-03 10:46 AM

na i'm just Ra dont know any of these other catsbut o well good looks wit the feed back

Tha Linez Drawn 03-22-03 02:01 PM

Flow is tight, with the cut in the middle of each line. 2 bars per rhyme words is a good rhyme scheme. But some other cats only know rap and nothing about poetry rules. Don't change your style for nobody. Keep on.

slipdifficult 03-22-03 04:20 PM

the lines were kinda short, but still tight

AngelicSheShe 03-22-03 06:48 PM

It was like.. the hood VS. Intellect. You had a mixure of vocabulary. Like there was two different people talking.. pretty tight. OoNnEe


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