Round 1: ModestlyShi
 

Topic: Shadows
Due: Tuesday April 1st.
Line max: 16 lines any more will not be counted.

The top 15 will advance.

quick question if i gotta repeat does that count as part of my 15 cus its juss there to be there

tik says

what do you mean repeat?

never mind here's my poem
“… It’s not dark yet…” –Bob Dylan-

it wasn’t then… it looms now as the war threatens and booms down
-Battle’s shade takes hold to bring no relief only more heat so troubling now-
there were rays of hope or target patterns in spectrum colors outlining our home towns
-those before us found faith through it all, we need to do the same someone tell us how-
but of course we turn to alternatives our music’s our escape; through hip hop,
-so we want to lose ourselves in the moment now we’re stuck in songs-
alternative rock, new age pop, base lines, and choruses that don’t stop
-we load up clips to 50’s heat an after system of a down we realize this war’s wrong-.
Tuning Cnn out with Eminem so we’re violent these days and the parents blame him
-Sean Paul hasn’t said any thing relevant or coherent so why not dance to it-
if you want to see violence watch the war clips and speeches with bush explaining our win
-I can’t see the ease the songs give you since they only talk about bullshit-
why not kill an Iraqi family then stay in the hood and keep killing your kin
-Dylan said it was getting there then, but now its here, today’s his ‘when’-

closed until judging.

Start voting

srry dawg but i wasnt feelin this piece, it didnt even touch the topic.
structure was good
flow was ok
vote' does not go on

I didnt feel this poem but i feel it was with the topic. He was meaning our world is in a shadow and were being clueless of what is happening in our own country rather than the outside world.

I dont feel this written has enough potential to move to the next round.

well war poems and songs are everywhere.... so you weren't to creative on this one.. I couldn't really even find what shadows had to do with this one... but... it was good other than that...
vote:doesn't go on..

Even though you did touch on the subject of shadows in a way (near the start)...i didn't think you followed it up well enough, and instead went too deep into another topic, shadows becoming too distant...

...still, a very nice piece much felt...

..but didn't touch on the topic strongly enough...you should've followed up on it better after the start, instead of going off on something else...

..Vote: DOES NOT go through

6/10