Round 1: mc_killabeats
 

Topic: Shadows
Due: Tuesday April 1st.
Line max: 16 lines any more will not be counted.

The top 15 will advance.

yo this is mc_killabeats i jus changed my name to killa kobra n im ready to do this

it goes a little somethin like this

The shadows are cast in the distance
Im just an innocent bistander in the world passing by
nothing to do no one by my side
because im alone amongst the shadows that surround me
the shadows are everywhere there taking over my life
they never stop taunting me and make my life a living hell
im confused dont know what to do
should i run or hide?
i need someone to talk to someone who can relate
because these arent any ordinary shadows these are the shadows of my life
the memories that come back to haunt me
why wont the past let me continue with my future?
my mind is pitch black no spec of light to be found
this is what the shadows have done to me

closed until judging.

Start voting

ahh...didnt like this one. mentioned the word "shadows"
too much. cant get into this piece at all. sorry man.

V: doesnt proceed.

I agree. It seems like you put to much emphasis on the topic and not enough into structurem feelin or flow.
srry but not feelin
vote" no go

watever man i but loads of effort into this

yeah i didnt feel this written--I think it just isn't a strong enough written to proceed--you kept the meaning and your structure was nothing special--

I'm glad you put loads of effort into this one... shadows is a hard topic to be creative with... I've said this in many of post so far... but it didn't have a flow to it... it all didn't peice together....
Vote: doesn't go to next round

strong, straight forward piece...had it's moments of power..

..but i felt at times a bit too elaborate, with the flow not on par as much as they could've been...

..i still think it was a nice enohgh piece...but not good enohgh to go through when comparingf to other pieces...

..still, i hope ya do go through....as you got potential there...and you said you worked hard on it...

..Vote: DOES NOT go through

^votes dont count.

Tik's scale of grade:

Metaphors:
hmm.. maybe next tiem you write, replace the word/topic with another word to add some deeper meaning. make people look for your metaphors. i got it a lil too easily, shadows were the evil. big deal, make me think. (just not as much as deacon.)

Imagery:
one of your higher points. it was well done but not as good as it could be, expand your vocab.

Originality/Style:
Hmm. i liked your style, not having a rhyme scheme set you apart. Even the best of poems need not rhyme. Your originallity was lacking, you repeated the word shadows 3 times within your first 5 lines i think, thats over half. try to not be so blunt and obvious.

Overall:
Good piece, nice short, easy to read.
On a scale of 1-10 id have to rank it an 5.5

so am i in the next round or not? thanx to everyone who voted

Metaphors:
Very little there. As Phrantik said, it was just there. Simple and in your face, nothing really to find. Therefore, lessing in power n what not...

Imagery:
Well, what Phrantik said. It had it's moments, and you got a solid 'base' of imagery. But you need to expand on it with slightly better vocab at the least. I mean vocab aint everything, and some great poems have been written with some very simple and straight forward vocab. But this just didn't come off as well as it could've.

Originality/Style:
You showed a little originality. But too elaborate. Your style wasn't executed well enough for it to flow as well as it coud've. still, showed signs of niceness, and it sure had it's moments.

Overall:
To the point, and to an extent the reader gets into the piece fairly well. But the pointsd made above worka gainst ya.

6/10 (average). (sorry, but the tourneys we've had have been on at a very high level, so it'd be unfair to lower the 'bar').

aiiight thanks for the comments looks like my time in this tourney is over