Cracking Concrete...
 

Dunno if i posted this before. I got a lot i don't post on here, see. But i feel it is especially relevant to what's going on right now (in an extreme sense, like).

Title: Cracking Concrete...


Shaving rough burns into my rugged skin
Hair in a wreckage of anarchy and chaos
Half conscious i stand under moonlit sky
Breathing dense air amidst a sultry time

Street lamp wilting to life’s poetic tragedy
Green grass dying from concrete repression
Weeds emerge through cracks n openings
Gate rotting deep in wooden imperfection

Glance in the mirror reflects darkening soul
Twisted sickness running through taut veins
Cyclonic climax staged in belly’s of beasts
Hollow struggles vomit into baneful abyss

Dust settling into red mist of fiery coldness
Evil breeds benighted masses in jubilation
Roars of defiance met with rain of tears
Lave erupts into ever growing vicious circle

You have a very abstract and creative mind, I ever tell you that? I mean this was like one big metaphor. But... I don't see how what is going on now and days has to do with your bad hygiene and not maintaining your house. Then again I'm also stupid, so y'know... it all works out great.

~Shalom~

"Street lamp wilting to life’s poetic tragedy
Green grass dying from concrete repression"

"Shaving rough burns into my rugged skin"

i dont think hes talkin about shaving but
life and general how its rough among us..

"Dust settling into red mist of fiery coldness
Evil breeds benighted masses in jubilation"

what i should be part of..you know what i mean man

Poetrys in me but I feel obligaded and
my girl knows that.this is good..peace

Heh, well i rarely shave anyway Necro (apart from an electic razor, once every two weeks or so....er...)...

And thanks for digging into the piece content, and getting ya own meaning...

respect to both...

DAmn verry creative piece and thoughfull made me think...lol

this was verry well done it constantly kept flowing......verry nice

Nice drop ....

excellent work of art my fellow poet/
never stop expressing TRUTH & purity of the heart/
BE PEACEFUL

your imagery was thick with sum screaming pictures. its makes me feel kinda of erie cause it immedatly clickd with me. paying attention 2 ya wordplay, i saw an unpolished flow just screaming 2 get out, so either or i liked this and i thought i should tell ya. so stay up and stay evolvin

Joe T.

^^^that's the kind of effect i wanted...the more BLATANT flow 'bursting' to get out, as you said..not exactly the effect i wanted, but part of it for sure...the flow was there though from word to word...and sharp sentence after sharp sentence, to sting deep...

thanks for the comments...

And also, may i just say..this aint just about putting a load of sentences/stanzas together....it has overall meanings...(!!)...

"Street lamp wilting to life’s poetic tragedy
Green grass dying from concrete repression
Weeds emerge through cracks n openings
Gate rotting deep in wooden imperfection"

I'm almost CERTAIN ive read that before..or somethin extremely like it...Cycle of somethin or other? You sure you didnt post this before? Hm, anyway, great piece none the less. well written as usual, vivid imagery, very thought provoking.

By the way V, Im so so so so SOOO late n wrong in gettin back to you about our collabo but i just have so much shit happening all at once right now i dont know what to do first. Im trying to catch up tho. Just saying, i havent forgot!
Much love.
Pz.

hey guy, long time no see.......Nice peace, it's very inspire, not because of it's message, but cuz of the focus and style put into it. You are one of the few things that makes me write poetry, an art which I do not even enjoy. I dunno, I guess I like formulating creative ways to send subliminal messages.......:rolleyes:

^^thanks Pair A Dyce...appreciated...and much respect for using keeping at it...

...and Gege, i think you're right. I was unsure of thst when i posted it up. You see, i got those that i post and don't post...so i dunno...but yeah, i probably have..

..and no problem on getting back to me. As stated before, it's gonna be a long process. No real pressure on. It could take 2 days before one us replies, or 2 weeks...tis all good...it suits both sides...and lets the creative process just flow....

*clicks 'send/recive' on outlook express for 500thth time today* "Damn that Gege, who does she think she is, eh? All high and mighty too good to reply to lil ol' me.."..*throws bubble pipe in the burning fire*...

(!)...

..resp...

Made an ammendment to this piece (as siad before, very few pieces are ever finished...this one still aint)..

..so thoughts? brutal or otherwise...especially brutal...

Shiznit's Thoughts:

VOCABULARY

>damn man...i think u used like half of the dictionary on there...very deep, sensational, huge-meaning, fantastic, and definitely remarkable words. NO one can really execute those kind of words other than YOU..very well done...


FLOW

>well of course...i read it like 5 times...it sure did fits PERFECTLY...its like reading some masterpiece unendingly...its like when u read it out loud...it was like skipping one flow from another...brilliant

WORDPLAY

>wow...the nonrhyming lines stood out really great...scheme of the words were good...very well thought out..props

CONTENT

>*speechless* its like every line has it own different meaning ...every liine its like a roadtrip...u went from one place to another...thoughts then incredible views to more different aspects of mere far more interesting facts and relatable (dont know if thats a word) beliefs and feelings

BEST PART

"Glance in the mirror reflects darkening soul
Twisted sickness running through taut veins
Cyclonic climax staged in belly’s of beasts
Hollow struggles vomit into baneful abyss"

^^^definitely the climax of the whole piece...was nice...i love the originality of this piece...i liked it

OVERALL

>SUPERB!

Appreciated Shiznit...

...i dig so others can too, once i've filled the hole that i dug and 'sculpted' the hole with soil and my own shite...(!)...

..resp..