one of my verses
 

two of my friends are making a CD im on a couple songs with them. this is one of my verses, im still trying to get the audio but they aint done making the CD

i'm sky diving with my dick out, and still dont give a flying fuck//
slamed into the ground, like bullets hitting armored trucks//
better look both ways, before you cross my mind//
cause i rhyme so fast, you wont get past til daylight savings time//
we could intertwine like criples stuck in seat belts//
in the arena league cause my styles never played out//
with out a doubt im about to be the greatest yet//
but im fucked in my head like blowjobs from nam war vets//
dont forget to get in line to witness this lyricist//
i set standerds so high im #1 on 5th wards wanted list//
cause i spit shit that will rip right threw your fuckin chest//
you could say my mouth is like a ass mixed with a smith & wes//

ok let me up this, i was to busy reply to everyone else and i sent mine ot the bottom

I ALREADY REPLIED TO 17 SONGS AND NOT ONE OF YOU HAS REPLIED TO MINE. FUCK NOW I REMEMBER WHY I STOP DOING OPEN MICS

LOOOL Myk aight...lets see what you wut you got her decent flow contend Nice....and ama wait for Cd to come...lol Overall it was good mostly basic.....na'mean


Wun

this was a str8 lil verse...
ha some nice lines like the first bar
that was dope
keep em coming


~1~

It' pretty good for basic stuff...every thing was in tha right places...and that's good basics but elevation gets beyond tha basics...It uses tha basic as a platform to leap off of and expand on...this rhyme is full of fillers but it's ok because it sounds right...
but its not anything profound...answer this: Out of a ship and a submarine who has tha deeper knowledge? An what about now if they argue? you see that's a level you need to get too. It's like explaining Shakespeare to a dog, he'll look at you but never understand you...peace, keep it moving...

ok..didnt like it very much..it was too simplistic..but to be simple is was an ok piece..flow was there..and everything was in the right place

thanks for the replies,

Rtikulate thanks for acting like you read it LOL

that shit was funny..basic but funny, got me laughin at most your lines...your similies was tight...keep spittin dunny.one

i did read it..and it was simple and basic

shit is ight just ok simple and to the point but wont sell just too basic.may be the audio is much bette

it was a pretty good verse. i liked the openin line, that was good. had some nice wordplay and stuff in there. keep em commin...

thanks for the replies upping one more time.

it was coo.....nice lines in between the simple one's kinda playsit up a lil bit.....nice
*~Holler~*

it was a'ight, but yea.. pretty basic, u need to up vocab, when u need to use a cuss word in tha first line, u need to start over... but not to discourage you or anything, shit had nice flow to it, and some a'ight similes... peace