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-   -   Pain (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=37176)

shorty0069 04-04-03 04:40 PM

Pain
 
This pain, this hurt
locked away in my head,
Nobody knows
How inside I am dead.

Blood on my wrist,
There is glass in my hand.
Nobody knows,
They cannot understand.

They don't listen,
So, they can't hear me cry.
Nobody knows,
I just wish I could die.

Shaking fingers,
Grasp this plea for release
Nobody knows
How the pain will not cease.

Sadness bleeding,
Emptying to the floor,
Nobody knows
I always craved for more,

Bleeding slowly
Until my wound will close,
Dying slowly,
Nobody knows...

deseperatly holding
something out of reach

trying hard to figure words
but theres no speech

confused- the room is spinning
falling on hands and knees

crying uncontrollably
from the inside it bleeds

blackness overwhelming
silence fills the air

lost forever, from eyes
a blank and vacent stare

shiznit 04-04-03 06:13 PM

nice metaphors....the flow was aiight but why did ya change the line breaks from the middle to down?...up vocabs, try to use other figures of speech...well dont take this the wrong way..im just sayin constructive criticisms...we're all elevatin still..and im just helpin a bit...keeponit


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