read this shit..its ill
 

i walk in with ice and chains and platinum runnin through my veins my rhymes flowing as smooth as rain, and bringin all types of pain, this shits like viper fangs i bring poison i bring venom, raps deadlier than alcatraz's prisonyour raps boring you got them snoring, my shit exciting i got kids wriring in a pad with a pencil just like i do, the way i be rappin they callin me eminem part 2, but kno i dont do this shit for u, i kno ur tired of hearin that i can rap but while u rhyming falsely i rhyming fact, u better not run or turn ur back, or i get u with my gak, one pul of the trigger and u be out like that, how cna it be that i rap so freely?,..how can it be that u cats dont feel me? explain it to me man..why i aint got no #1 fan..its like my feets stuckin in the sand i dont think i cando it, as soon as i spew it i knew it i blew it its over there goes my one chance..but i'ma keep goin this may be my last dance, i'd die if i knew this was gonna be my last rhyme, but theres always a next time, theres always my next line, i dont care what u say, i rhyme what i want to, take a step back dont tell me what i wont do, dont tell me who i wont shoot, but go ahead try to tell me i'ma fluke

a few suggestions
#1. dont say ur shit is ill unless it is
ur just gonna piss peeps off
#2. especially if ur rappin bout how good u are
- its ridiculously overplayed
#3. if u want to rap bout how good u are do it
in a unique style or a consistent topic
#4. the structure is tough to follow, which takes
away from the rhyme, and thats not good
- look out some others do it, break it into lines and such
#5. ur first 3 lines had decent flow then u switched
the style and it didnt come out well
#6. peep my "7 deadly rap" its gettin slept on like a mutha
#7. u got talent u just need to focus it
#8. pay attention to any advice u get

BLAH!!
Read the first few linez and had to stop readint his wanna be jigga shit..........come wit something else beside uhh????.......Bullshit

oo my..take the advice n use it wisely...n then relize afta 2 bars (if u kno wat they are)....afta 2 bars, ur done, ur outta there, lights out, case closed, smoke cleared...hehe ;)