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-   -   You Wouldn't Understand (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=37897)

Narcicyst 04-08-03 11:39 AM

You Wouldn't Understand
 
none of us better/
i've been cuaght talkin to mirrors bumpin the letter/
boastful, antisocial, personal business proposals, chanting burn your stripes/
learn your rights, extinguish stars, in english bars like pub concerts/
take a pill, pay your bill, or get your lines cut by my wreck finder/
found what i'd lost, and gained knowleadge of its cost, to retain violence in bars/
sticking out like blind men crossing in silence ripping dogs/
ignoring traffic lights, it's better thru death...
wonder whether i'm laughing right/
my paranoia is socially constructed, erupted vocally/
the subject is now openly discussed..disgusted/
but i love it to see the way i distrupted my borders/
feeling stranded like d.n.a. in order/
and simply go against the grain like timothy mcveigh, in court for crop circlrs/
know this, i cant help but speak it for selfish reasons/
like oceans freezing oceans, blood cold like russian seasons/
squeezing notions verses Islamic, Bush seen with Saddam seeking a truthul nexus/
spilling ouuta my Shell like oil tankers leaking and leaving in Houston Texas....

D-Dizzle 04-08-03 01:00 PM

This is tight, pimpin'. I like your style. how you put things that going on in your verses I do that alot too. And you pull it of with good skill

"squeezing notions verses Islamic, Bush seen with Saddam seeking a truthul nexus/
spilling ouuta my Shell like oil tankers leaking and leaving in Houston Texas/"

That was a dope ass line there.
Good Shit all around

Atetrack define' 04-08-03 01:37 PM

nice spit here,liked your flowa dn words was tight...propz...
bismillah

Av1r3x 04-08-03 06:20 PM

as usual u came ill as f*ck.I liked how dis flowed differently than otha verses,u kno.Pm me if u eva wanna collab aight?Stay ^
-Avi

Maven 04-08-03 08:01 PM

Sick work dude, this rhyme gives me a good impression of this place on my first post. First off, it flowed really well, I could almost hear the beat behind it if I read it out loud. All the multis fit together and there didn't seem to be many forced rhymes. There were one or two lines that didn't rhyme with anything, but the bars all fit together and it took my mind off that.
It was nice man, real nice.
Peace

Narcicyst 04-09-03 10:08 AM

thanks for the replys...good looking out people...Av1r3x no doubt imma hit you up with a pm and we can collab on some other shit namsayin...one

Narcicyst 04-09-03 10:36 AM

still uppin this piece^^

Rhombus 04-09-03 12:49 PM

Quote:
none of us better/
i've been cuaght talkin to mirrors bumpin the letter/
boastful, antisocial, personal business proposals, chanting burn your stripes/
learn your rights, extinguish stars, in english bars like pub concerts/
take a pill, pay your bill, or get your lines cut by my wreck finder/
found what i'd lost, and gained knowleadge of its cost, to retain violence in bars/


Your intro to this piece was unbalanced, though it did play it self out later, I'd just thought that I would point that out. after those lines though the flow was very good and the lines started to take nice shape.

Quote:
sticking out like blind men crossing in silence ripping dogs/
ignoring traffic lights, it's better thru death...
wonder whether i'm laughing right/
my paranoia is socially constructed, erupted vocally/
the subject is now openly discussed..disgusted/


Now I mostly blame myself for waking up too soon and reading this, but for the most part I could not get a grasp of what it is you are trying to get across with those lines. I thought I had some idea of what you were saying, but if that is the case then those meta's you used there need work, if not then I am missing something and might come back to read this again, but I could not figure out what you were talking about there.

Quote:
and simply go against the grain like timothy mcveigh, in court for crop circlrs/
know this, i cant help but speak it for selfish reasons/
like oceans freezing oceans, blood cold like russian seasons/
squeezing notions verses Islamic, Bush seen with Saddam seeking a truthul nexus/
spilling ouuta my Shell like oil tankers leaking and leaving in Houston Texas....


I liked the last two lines man, those were nicely done, the first one quoted had some interesting wordplay and was good as well, a nice end to this piece, flow wise it was straight, I think that you could have worked a bit more on the rhyme scheme, that would have given it some dimension, other than that it's a nice looking piece...


love...

Narcicyst 04-10-03 04:50 AM

thanks...now thats what i call a thorogh response...good looking out dunny....one


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