Eats At My Mind
 

I look at your face....it is one of a kind,
but I can't see your thoughts....and it eats at my mind,
what thoughts do you ponder.....and what depth does reside,
I desire to witness .....the thoughts contained deep inside,

I feel your warm glow, and feel your soft voice,
but the neglect that you show me, stabs in sharp points,
I wish I could tell what intentions turn gears,
your mind is a machine that runs on learned years,

you tilt your head and gaze with a smirk on your lips,
then place a finger on top and other hand on your hips,
you ask me my thoughts, but only tell some of yours,
your mind is a barrier of which contains no open doors,

access denied is consistently the expression that is given,
but I still attempt entry because that is the way my will is driven,
I hope that one day my probing will allow me to find,
the thoughts that you have hidden from me inside of your mind,

Simple, but strong...

...actually, had a certain amount of depth to it, whcih was realised with what was a very good ending..

...at times seemed a bit too simple and akward with the you rigidly stuck to rhyme scene (at times)...emphasis on RIGIDLY...

...but apart form that, a nice piece, the end executed real well...that's one thing you usually are good at, starting a piece well, and ending it well...i think you need to work a bit on the body of the piece...(sorry if that sounded pretentious)..

...cocoaros (formeryl resp...)...

thank you

I still say that was a cheap shot negro!

hey i liked it, sounded nice and fresh

i loved it, i thought it was everything a POEM should be [yall forget poems dont have to ryhme or even make sense to have peotic value] wi still dunno ho wu manage to fit so many sylables in a line without using multies, it simply amazes me, good drop, my fave poem read of the night

^You will live....

Thanks for your comments Kapone, I'm not even good at poetry (At least I don't think so).

It was good.. It has a little vocab nothing to big but some poems dont need it.. It had a good flow to it also. OoNnEe

this seems to be a really good one...i like how the way u structured it...nice flow...not too much vocab but its straight..nice job..keep em commin