Revolution Gone Wrong...
 

As the scales tip...

Corruption meets epic destruction
In the last battle of times clashing
Life slowly sinking in the sands of babylon
As stars shine once more,
yet crying

Love has no place in this darkness
Slowly riding through timeless nights
Punching through thick air high above
I see the tears fall,
amid waining lights

Freedom cries mercy to hollow lies
Shooting in vein towards the sky
The fat man is drowning forever more
Whilst hanging on sheep,
to drag down too...

As the scales tip,
to tunes of...
revolution gone wrong...

this is excellent. well done!

This peice is so you.

I mean, you have a suprising amount of militantish thoughts in your stuff. And your format is like so much layers of colored sand in a bottle if y'know what I mean.

I can certainly feel this if Edgar Allen Poe was reading it though. I dunno why.

~Shalom~

word dude you said i all man

damn dawg, the lyrical shakespear

er thanks...

...so many battles in life (and the world in general), from one extreme, to the mild, to yet another extreme...one sometiems cannot help writing out thoughts n what not in a battle like style (or something like that..)...

..piece was about how things which you might want and see as right (the complete destruction of 'corruption' and/or capitalism n what not, in it's many forms...) can be a double edged sword...

...well soemthin along those lines..


..resp...

this is mindboggling to me. i grasp your ideas with the scales tip and where ya were going with it. ya let alot of emotion talk for you in this. but the imagery seemed alil dry. like when you were speaking about the war of babylon ya should ve described what the opposing side looked like. had sum great one liners threw out. specially the opening bar. never talking down and keep em cuming.

peace

Well that was what was meant to be one of the basic effects of the piece. To not highlight the 'other side' too much, actually to not go into detail of BOTH sides...to make the point more blunt and less 'covered' by details

...but, you're right, a bit more detail would've made it better...on both sides, not a lot...but just a bit more...incisive, and echoing like imagery...

thanks for being honest...it's actually helped...i couldn't quite put my finger on it myself

...resp...

great piece bro...- really interesting.. grat figurative language..- u got talent man..keep posting..
ps. cheack my poem and tell what u think,... "Sick of Discrimination"..

peace

oooooooooo how i've missed your work!

your pieces always take on a strong stance..and always
speak with not only logic..but strength and power.
This was no exception...sometimes your work
boggles me....but I love it all the same..:)

~Soul~

er..thanks...

..redsp..

This was good. There was a lot in there, some has been touched on, a lot not... I'll just mention a couple things...
At first it seems quite hopeless to be honest... intriguing all the same.

I was interested in how you used physical and philosophical truths as a main tool in this piece. (time, the sky, gravity, etc.)-- in concept, were all repeated. this worked well in highlighting the "tipping of the scales."

If you have not already thought about this interesting coincidence in your piece I'd ask you to consider....
that in your 1st stanza Life slowly sinking in the sands of babylon
and in your second I see the tears fall,
and third The fat man is drowning forever more
...so... life is sinking in the sand, and the fat man is drowning in water....and the tears are falling.
Very interesting in thought as water is a symbol for life (purity) and it is drowing the sinner. As sand - a mere product of evolution that does not contribute to growth, drowns the life. I just found that interesting...I really liked it in fact.

So I see this not so much as taking a stand... but rather recognizing the fact that one truth is a terrible hard thing to find.

[/i]Corruption meets epic destruction
In the last battle of times clashing[/i]
^^last battle.... that will never happen...not in this situation anyway... almost seemed satiric...I like that.

The fat man is drowning forever more
Whilst hanging on sheep,
to drag down too...
^^^This was phenominal, I loved this segment.

nice work.... look forward to some more shit.... I'd also like to know how conscious you were of that stuff while you were writing it.
Peace

^^^

Philio - Yes, it was meant to have a satirical feel to it..not too apparent, but still there...the part you quoted was kind of satirical..the viewpoint of the people of the revolution in general, who think now corruption is being torn down, there shall be no battles...like you'd expect them to say...

...spot on about the sands, tears and water thing...when i'm writing it, it just comes to my head as aprt of the essence and feel of the piece...so in a way, it's quite raw...cos it aint done in a technical sense...

so yeah, iw as concious of it...after you write for a while, you begin to link things together as you write, without fully thinking of the deeper meaning, yet knowing it still has one when you write it...just get caught up in the writing and the 'situation' or 'subject' you are talking about....something along those lines anyway...but you know what i mean?

Anyway..

..resp....

I know what you're saying... it's there, many times unconsciously but it just makes sense to write... I understand cause I can look at something I have written and find new things all the time.
Intention is different from meaning, but they work together.

Peace

^^^aye..except it was intentional to put in the meaning, but it's when you go deeper than that..

..but yeah, you're right, nice 'looking out'...


..resp..