i need suggestions
 

it's been awhile i've been in the lab now i'm ready to ~attack~
all you niggas on my list so start runnin like you on ~track~ cus i'ma have my ~pack~
with me so watch ya ~back~//1

you niggas thought i was hiddin think again i was ~trainin~ and ~regainin~
my strength preparin for the ~pain~ to comeback hardcore to the ~brain~//2

i'm frustrated with you niggas always kickin me ~down~ to the ~ground~
i felt like i was a disrace to what i ~surround~ but now i improved so watch me ~astound~//3

i'ma retaliate with my ~army~ better think twice before you ~disarm me~ take a look at
ya nigga that tried to ~harm me~ i showed him leather face before the ~alarm G~//4

better be cuatious when you hear me ~rap~ it's equivalent to a death ~trap~
ya body will be parolized and ~collapse~//5

i'll admit it i ain't black or~white~so don't look for me cus i'm outta ~sight~
i must be ~invisible~ cus i ain't even ~visible~ in the~bright~light~//6

plz give me advice on how to write a good ryhme

shit was iight paco,if you want advicejust pep other cats shit on this forum or anyother forum,collect ideas and influences and then produce something you feel...if you need any help pm me,and ill try my best eh?.peep somethign ive written on the open mic forums too,just do a search with my name aiight...elevate

that shit was wack i think...no point to the rhyme no clever verbals no clever anythin...you need a scheme when you spittin dunny...and stop tryin to sound like the other 587543876487 mcs rhymin like that...be original namsayin..keep elevating...wahid

a'ight

u show potential in spots but the
other guys are right, ya need to develoop ur own style
and come up with a more original topic
just look at some of the more respected heads on the sites
crap, u'll learn a lot

PS peep my "Foresaken Emcee" or/and "The Lonely Mic"
thx

cool... the shit ain't have me like Damn! but it was cool fam

a'ight thanx fo the advise

this wasn't really about anything except "I'm back, and I kick ass" not a very good topic. Try to write about something that's meaningful to you.

a'ight